this writer's block

design on a dime

2012-01-04T21:07:00.000-08:00

my daughter judah means the world to me. (as though you hadn't noticed.) she is my incredible blessing from the Lord and i can't imagine my life without her. i hope and pray that she knows the following things: that she is loved, valued, cherished, and that Jesus is Lord. it's not enough to simply desire these things, i have to plan for them. i show her that she is loved by listening to her, by spending time with her. i show her that she is cherished by not dismissing her as a child. by putting her near the top of my list every day and by putting up her pictures and artwork. likewise, i show her she is valued by making time to hear the ideas in her mind and (often) acting on them. i read to her and invest in her. and daily i tell her about Jesus, His love, His sacrifice and His offer of salvation.

but there's more. children are astute. they are intuitive. and if the words coming out of our mouths do not match up with our actions, they notice. if i tell judah that the Lord wants us to live and love sacrificially but don't model that, she'll see my hypocrisy. if i tell her we need to give to the poor (matt 19) but spend all my money on plastic toys from target to fill her already overstimulating room, the things i say fall flat. so you see, i had to be careful with how i designed her room because that is what's best for her and for me.

therefore, i re-designed this room on a dime because, well, i only have a dime. but more than that, i did so because i wanted to put action to my words. judah doesn't need another toy or stuffed animal to know she's loved. she needs me. and i firmly believe that the way i spend my money makes my heart transparent. so i didn't go overboard on spending in her room, because not only have her needs already been met, but because i'm modeling right behavior for her. commonly referred to as "the pink room", my parents set up this room and the one i live in as guest rooms. they run a veritable bed and breakfast here, and if you haven't been a recipient of their hospitality, get up here!

as you can see this room was pink before the re-deux. ;) you might also notice that this is an old picture, pre- new window installation. if you look closely, you'll notice that our new windows are larger than these and some of the artwork around the window frames has been diminished.

so, off my soapbox and on to the details of this oh-so-fun make-over! i searched pinterest for an evening, gathering ideas and then set immediately to work. first off i changed the layout to offer her more free space for playing. secondly, i emptied the closet (mom's summer clothes, the hand-me-downs that are still too big for jude, extra chair cushions, etc.). moving her into her own closet freed up a lot of space in the whole house. i found toys all over the place and i was able to move most of them into the closet. well, those toys that i kept. the rest are slated for the garage sale! whoo-hoo!

ahem. anyhow, i was ready to begin the fun part: decorating. i used this quilt for my color palette of turquoise, red, pink, white and yellow.

one of the first ideas was the old window frame with fabric in the panes. i found a fat quarter at "joanne's" for about $7 that was in the perfect colors. the window took a little cleaning, but it was something we had on hand, so i was pleased with that! putting effort into things for my child tells her she's valued, remember? :)
for that project i needed hot glue (on hand), molly bolts (had 'em), a drill(you bet) and some of those picture hanging things with teeth (also found in the garage) to go into the back of the window. done and done. so cute! and so cheap!

i bought a $3 oversized letter "j" and plastered it with fun scraps of paper i had on hand in the same colors. again, it took a little time, but less money. that came out pretty cute, right? and then i had to re-create a painting i found on pinterest with one of my most favorite verses on it (micah 6:8):
also on pinterest was a fun and colorful child's silhouette. since i'd already created one of those for my "line of judah" shop (oh yeah, in pink), i simply cut it down to size and stuck it in a matted frame i already had. the other picture was already framed in yellow (perfect) and the doll is from jamaica. i like to have little dark-skinned dolls around since judah doesn't have anyone else the same color as her in this house. (although, clearly, she's not this black!)
in the garage i came across an old tv cart. we took the wheels (casters?) off and voila! a bookshelf that not only fits in the closet, but also holds ALL of her books!

oh me, what am i to do with all the shelf space i now have in my room? :)
so my beloved daughter now has a custom-designed, big girl room for very minimal $$. she is excited, feeling important, and since we set so many things aside for the garage sale the lesson of passing things along was reiterated. mission: accomplished.

**oh, and i have artwork on the way from some incredible etsy sellers for the currently empty wall over her bed. preview those amazing pieces here, here, and here! i'm also hoping to purchase this one in the near future! thanks for taking the time to read this! **

st agnes

2011-08-08T22:45:00.000-07:00

(agnes is pictured in pink)

my friend shanley founded a beautiful organization. it's called nakate and she employs 40 ugandan women from wherever she happens to be at any given moment. these women use discarded paper to make beads. they string these beads into stunning necklaces and those of us with disposable incomes get to dress up our everyday outfits and support ugandan women at the same time. brilliant, says i.

a vagabond by nature, shanley moves about every couple of months. while she might not have a bed to lie down in at night, she is never without her phone. shanley tweets and posts more than anyone i know, however i'd say roughly 83% of those tweets are informative updates in regards to her organization or some other way to help those in need. she truly wants to ease the burden of others.

this week, nakate (pronounced "NAH kuh tay") is partnering with an ingenious fundraising platform called the tipping bucket. this site promotes simple, grassroots fundraising by encouraging contributors to donate a dollar each. just one dollar. how easy is that? but here's the catch: nakate only has 1 week to meet their goal. if they don't, all the money goes back to the contributors and nakate doesn't earn a cent. their goal? $2000. this money will be used to ship the next order of jewelry from uganda to the US, to pay the women who did all the manual labor, and to pay agnes.

ah, agnes. at last we come to the point. you see, agnes is a ugandan missionary and i have the extreme privilege of helping her out this week. agnes oversees the nakate project in its entirety in uganda. she visits the women, finds out their needs, ministers to them, prays for them, and advocates for them. agnes was doing all of this free of charge until her husband lost his job. now we want to bless her in return. we are hoping to raise $300 for agnes, which would be her salary for two months. agnes and her husband felt called to live among the poorest of poor in their village and minister to them. let's do something wonderful for her, shall we? let's raise a mere $300 and send it to her.

the bible says that those who are loved by God are called saints (romans 1:7). it also says that we are supposed to "contribute to the needs of the saints" (romans 12:13).

instead of merely tipping her bucket, let's make sure it runs over! give here.

o give thanks

2010-11-13T22:33:00.000-08:00

**note to readers: i originally wrote this post a few weeks ago. i planned to have it out by thanksgiving. clearly, that didn't happen.**

seeing as how we don't go around our table and talk about the things we're thankful for (with our extended family), i thought i might blog about them here.

i am so thankful.

so thankful.

Jesus paid the debt of my sin, which was death, for me.

i am thankful that my daughter survived her twisted-intestine hospitalizations and surgery.

so very very thankful.

i am filled with gratitude that countless friends including judah's dad and my sweet nicole survived the fatal earthquake of january 12.

i rejoice that all 26 children were miraculously rescued from a devastated haiti merely six days after the earthquake.

i am grateful for my mom and reg who jumped at the opportunity to plan a fundraiser to help our friends in haiti.

i am so thankful for all of those who sewed, pulled, dyed, baked, knit, printed, collected, drew, sang, played, photographed, donated and otherwise put together a fantastic and profitable fundraiser for "new life to the children" - our orphanage in haiti.

i am more than appreciative for my dad who willingly

sought out his friends and attempted to put a good work crew together to rebuild in haiti. i was so blessed that he jumped on that plane with me and spent a week sleeping on roughly poured concrete in the rain to help my friends in haiti.

i am ever grateful to my dearest brother who loves me unconditionally. who left his busy work/school/ministry schedule behind and came to sit at judah's bedside and let her play with his ipad.

i'm overwhelmed by parents who have taken me and my daughter in with open arms, clothed us, fed us, given us love and shelter these past few years. who drove through the night to literally hold me up while judah went into surgery and then again when she finally was moved into recovery.

i'm so so thankful for my amazing best friends emily and brendie who have stood by my side through every.single.moment of my past few years. they are actually aggressive in their acts of love for me and for judah. i truly have some of the greatest friends a girl could ever hope for.

so many of you (ashley and nate, christine, mat, janet, kristen, leilani, kaylene, erin, kellie . . .) came to see us in the hospital. came bearing gifts, came bearing smiles. came just to sit. and SO VERY MANY MORE of you called or sent cards and gifts. i was overwhelmed once again by the body of Christ. your love carried us through!

i'm thankful for those of you, my dear friends, who are scattered about the country but support me and love me from afar.

i'm thankful for our fireplace, our heater, our hot water heater.

i'm thankful for my bed and my electric blanket.

i'm trying not to take our non-leaking roof for granted.

of course there is too much for me to write out here, but i wanted to make a small list; it has been such a tremendous year.

praise Jesus!

fun giveaways

2010-11-09T19:10:00.000-08:00

is this a clever blog title or what? ni hao y'all? i love it!

they're doing giveaways; check 'em out!

so this is Christ-mas?

2010-10-25T14:35:00.000-07:00

question: how many of you think your child(ren) have too many toys? how often do you mutter to yourself as you pick up the living room that it’s gone too far? that we have too much? that it might just be possible that we have become more materialistic than we ever planned to be?

okay, so what are you doing about it? because it’s that time of year again. you know, that time when we go into a spending frenzy to get copious amounts of gifts for our family, friends, and even some acquaintances. oh yeah, i think it’s called “Christmastime”. hmmm. Christmas. i wonder if that means it is supposed to be about Christ and not gifts?

sometimes it feels like, as Christians, we fight so hard remind the world that this isn’t a holiday about santa, that we forget it’s not even a holiday about giving gifts. yes, the magi gave gifts to Jesus, but nowhere are we commanded to give everyone of our family members a gift on the day we celebrate Jesus’ birth.

to be clear, i don’t want to say that giving is bad. giving is loving. giving is modeled in Scripture. giving is Christ-like. but what are we giving, and why?

maybe this is the Christmas to make the change. maybe this is the time to start teaching our children compassion and empathy. maybe we need to stand up and say, “i’m going to give away more. i’m going to be a blessing to my neighbor. i’m going to be the ‘cheerful giver’ that the Lord says He loves and i’m going to teach my family to do the same.”

a man by the name of trent hamm wrote an article about 20 ways to donate to others even when you’re broke. it caught my eye because i’m a single mom who only works part-time, so i could really relate. the article can be found online here.

please take the time to read it because there are some fantastic ideas there. (thank you, shan, for that link!)

that article got me thinking. and since i know Christmas is coming and i know what we’re all programmed to do, i thought that i would put together a list of ways, not unlike mr. hamm, we can give to others. let’s decide as families this year that we’re going to forego the whole ‘gift exchange’ and give to those in need instead. here are some ideas:

*give to your local (church?) food pantry

*give a coat to a cold kid (www.coats-for-kids.org)

*give a Christmas tree to a soldier (www.operationchristmastree.com/index.php)

* give clean water to those without (www.water4christmas.com/Donate/Donate.html)

* give Christmas presents to children whose parent(s) are incarcerated (http://www.angeltree.org/angeltree-home)

* give a wish to a child with a terminal disease (www.wish.org)

* give a Christmas meal, or clothing to those without (www.salvationarmyusa.org)

* give food, water, and education (http://www.compassion.com/)

* give shoes (www.toms.com)

can you come up with some others? do you have an organization in mind that you would like to share with me?

since becoming employed, i’ve had the opportunity to sign up to sponsor a child’s education monthly through the organization i worked for in haiti. to me, it is a blessing to be able to give. i want to live on less so i can give away more. how about you?

what do you think? can this be the year that we make the change for our families? can we model selflessness and compassion for our children in this way? i know that it will be an adjustment for our children, but is that such a bad thing? because, as i read it, the bible says we are no longer to “conform to the pattern of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds.” (romans 12:2)

if you haven't heard about "advent conspiracy" yet, get on board! if you haven't watched this video, DO IT. i'm telling you i've seen it plenty of times but i always get emotional just thinking about those people getting clean water! praise Jesus!

my slice of americana: kitchen edition

2010-10-04T21:17:00.000-07:00

this weekend, my family and i went further up into the mountains to visit my aunt and uncle and see the wonderful addition to their house. on saturday afternoon, my dad graciously watched judah for me while i joined the ladies in downtown sonora for some antiquing.

pretty much a one-street town, sonora is a tourist stop for those visiting the "mother lode" country. its main street has covered sidewalks and that old town feel that comes from being . . . well, an old town.

i wandered a bit, fussing with my camera because i can't seem to get the lens lint free, and took a few pictures.

and somewhere past the candy shop, i stumbled upon my dream kitchen in the window of antique store #18. it was breathtaking. from the porcelain-topped, expanding table (in red and white!) with red chairs, to the turquoise dishes with matching, intact, glass lids.

oh dear sweet kitchen heaven.

i became envious. and then i reminded myself that the Lord has commanded that we not covet. and there on the chair i saw a beautiful yellow, white and red cake tin.

it called to me, i heard it. i picked it up. visions of spice cake danced in my head.

it was reasonably priced. i considered the purchase. i glanced up to see the store retreated far behind me and realized i was having a hard time leaving the window display. i sent a hurried picture text to emily saying that i'd found my kitchen. she understood completely. with a deep breath, i moved on, still clutching the cake tin. i helped my mother find the perfect glass jar for her candy corn, tried on amazing vintage hats, exclaimed aloud over a turquoise, tiered, rolling kitchen shelf with removable top tray. i searched for "old fashioned girl" by louisa may alcott and for copies of "now we are six" and/or "when we were very young" by a.a. milne. i was unable to find any of these. i carried my cake tin past displays of vintage toys, racks of quilts, and shelves of old lighters. somehow i found myself right back in "my" kitchen. i sat on the red chair. and there i debated.

it's silly, really, to put so much thought into a cake tin. but here's what was behind my struggle, as i confessed it to my mother:

i could purchase the tin. but then when i got it home, it would most likely go into storage like the rest of my wonderful, valued kitcheny things. i dream, very often, of a place all my own. my own kitchen in which i prepare every meal for judah and myself. my own kitchen in my own home and i can have friends over for dinner parties whenever i fancy. this cake tin was not only a tin, it was a symbol of something i want. a life i miss and want to return to everyday. boxed up in the garage not 50 feet from where i now sit are kitchen treasures all my own, waiting. and somedays, that's exactly how i feel. like i'm just waiting for the day when i (like my kitchen aide so pretty and red, or my mixing bowls, porcelain and multi-colored) can be put to use again.

but my struggle doesn't end there. because the other side of me, the practical but also bleeding heart-ed side, says that none of this is necessary. it says that nicole doesn't even have a kitchen. it reminds me that mme valet is living in a tent. the other side of me pictures mama joassaint cooking over that charcoal fire all day to feed the hungry neighborhood children and never ever dreaming of a silly cake tin in which to carry a cake to a party.

how ridiculous. how superfluous.

i confessed these things to my mama and set the cake tin down. having said this aloud, i realized how unnecessary the tin was. beautiful, yes. desirable, of course. necessary? not in the least. and i have limited funds. they can be put to better use.

(did i mention i'm sponsoring a child?)

without a backwards glance, i lead the charge to the next store where my mother found a wonderful muffin top tin, thank you, jerry seinfeld. we had a delightful afternoon although we were unsuccessful in finding a whirley pop popcorn maker for my aunt.

returning to my aunt's house, i filled the evening with judah and family. i didn't think again about that silly (and perfect) cake tin. it wasn't until sunday when we were driving out of town and my mom asked that my dad stop the car for a moment, did i start to think about the tin again. but what she did next i did not expect.

my mother returned to the car carrying a paper bag. as she sat down, it made an unmistakeable tinny sound. she smiled as she turned and handed the bag to me.

"what did you do, mama?" was all i could ask.

and do you know what she said?

"it's a hope-tin for you. i'm praying for a kitchen to go around it. the Lord has a plan for you, sister. and i can't wait to see what He does."

and i cried just a bit.

disneyland

2010-09-24T12:33:00.000-07:00

for those of you who are not on facebook (and therefore, haven't had a chance to see these pictures), i put together this slideshow. as you can see, we had a BLAST!!

how to make applesauce

2010-09-02T21:56:00.001-07:00

some of the best things about fall are the foods. tomato soup, pumpkin chocolate chip bread, zucchini bread, and applesauce. today i made my first batch of applesauce for this fall season (clearly it's not actually fall yet, but the apples are in) and i thought perhaps, i'd write out a little tutorial in case anyone else was interested in making their own. (i prefer to use gravenstein apples, but use your favorites for your sauce.)

so without further adieu,

step one: wash apples. (if they are store-bought, then step one will be to take off the stickers.)

step two: quarter apples and take the core out. i like to put a strainer in the sink to make clean-up real easy.

step three: throw 'em in the pot.

step four: add a TINY bit of water (not more than a tablespoon).

step five: let them simmer on low heat for a long long time. depending on how many apples are in there, it could take awhile. stir 'em so they don't burn. they're ready when they're nearly sauce without you straining them. like this:

step six: strain your apples. now, i use something like a foley food mill, but use whatever tool you have. i scoop the apples into the strainer a couple at a time and strain, clean the sides with a spatula and repeat.

step seven: enjoy!

will work for food

2010-08-31T20:24:00.000-07:00

these

are the men working on our house.

just thought you might like this picture.

not wasting their lives

2010-08-30T15:55:00.000-07:00

you're probably familiar with john piper's view of the custom of retirement in the western world. if not, you can read about it here. basically, piper thinks that we should continue to actively minister and work for Christ all the days of our lives. he thinks that retirement should not mean throwing in the towel, traveling the world for selfish reasons, and/or patting oneself on the back, saying, "you deserve this" and in essence wasting the rest of your life.

i know some men that would be excellent "case-in-point"s for dr piper. these men (all 65+) literally built our church building.

(it sounds redundant, but the church is not a building: we meet in one.)

at 8AM sharp this morning, Capt'n, Billy, and Dan the Man showed up on our front step ready to work. more accurately, at 8AM, they showed up in the front yard and began taking the frames off the windows of our living room. a ruckus immediately began throughout the house. we had assumed they would start with the dining room and had not prepared the living room. my parents and i started removing mini blinds, paintings, wall hangings, lamps, furniture, books, shoes and toys from the living room while judah began shouting from her high chair.

you would have thought it was the beatles at shea stadium.

she went wild. shouting their names and trying to get herself out of her bib and high chair simultaneously. "capt'n and billy here!!!!"

(she's a big fan.)

they were attacking the front of the house with such fury (hammers and pry bars and such), the sound was deafening. i was attempting to help my parents move things from the room, keep judah out from underfoot, and answer the business line for discover yosemite all at the same time.

sheets were brought in, draped over couches, tarps were laid, drywall was chipped off, and someone started the shop vac. (at this point i'm trying to remember why i thought it would be a good idea to dust last saturday.) within a matter of hours, these men installed four new windows in our living room and another in our dining room. two months ago, they completely re-windowed two of our bedrooms.

tomorrow, it's sliding doors.

next week? they're re-roofing someone's house.

this is not a business for these men.

it's a ministry.

they have helped countless people in our church and our community with endless projects. not for personal gain, but simply to serve.

Capt'n, aptly named for his leadership, runs the crew. Billy, an ex-marine with the softest heart and sweetest voice, is his right-hand man; always ready with a hearty laugh at all of Capt'n's teasing and jokes. Dan the Man is an instrument of precision; a wood-worker of the highest craftsmanship. their ministry is to do projects that people cannot do on their own. serious projects. like window installation and roofing. my dad, Gunner (for his avid use of the nail gun), follows all Capt'n's instructions beautifully.

i smiled from the kitchen after serving coffee and coffee cake to hear them pray and then discuss the next job, people in need, organizations in the community that might need a hand, and how to effectively fundraise.

i believe this is exactly what dr piper was thinking when he started writing down his thoughts about not wasting our lives. these men have a skill, a talent, that the Lord gave to them. instead of spending their retirement years collecting seashells, Capt'n and his gang are using these God-given gifts to bless the church and the community.

i think we can all learn from their example.

miranda lambert and the israelites

2010-07-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

her new single has slipped all the way down to #6 on the country music charts. i guess she held steady at #1 for a few weeks there. and i can see why. it's a catchy, sweet song. and it pulls on those old heartstrings. what more could you ask for? i hear it in the car and start humming it while doing the dishes or washing judah's hair. but i resisted it for awhile. you know why? because it doesn't apply to me. oh, it's as american as songs can get, but it's not for me. we (americans, that is) like nostalgia. we like the heartland. we like going home (although it's been rumored that's not possible).

and july? well, that's like america's Christmas, you know? we break out flags, eat fried chicken and apple pie, and start talking baseball. and it's funny to me. because if those things were really that important, that integral, they wouldn't only happen in july. we'd hoist old glory every day of the year, if we truly loved her. we'd make time to eat dinners around a dining room (kitchen?) table, if it were truly important. right?

but like i said, that doesn't apply to me. and i'll tell you why. first of all it doesn't apply because my "home" is not a house. oh sure, i remember once going back to our childhood home and listening to the cupboards creak open and enjoying that sound. i enjoyed checking out our old tree house and reminiscing about all the sleepovers we had up there. that was a good time. but it didn't define me. and i certainly didn't need to go back and "touch" that place in order to "find myself." because that house (mobile home) isn't who i am. my family is who i am. and my Jesus.

so then my mind goes to abraham. who was he? what do i know of abraham? he was extremely wealthy. he was old. he had a barren wife. whom he passed off as his sister TWICE out of fear. and he was the first israelite. well, kinda. because they weren't called that then. mainly because israel was abraham's grandson. he was chosen. the Lord God chose this man abraham (abram) out of the whole earth's population and claimed him for Himself. God basically said, "you are Mine." and from this one man, the Lord started a nation. a nation that hadn't existed before. a people set apart as God's own people. although He created everybody, israel was special. israel is His.

God told abraham to leave his home. again, i think it's funny. we often use the same phrase as miranda does in her song, "you don't know me from adam." abraham didn't know this God who called him and ordered him to leave his home, from adam. but he believed, he trusted and he followed. hebrews tells us that "by faith abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. by faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country . . ." (hebrews 11: 8,9).

i think what i'm getting at is that we should not be nailed down, so to speak, and defined by a place or a building. our home is not who we are. our country, our land, or the empires we've built in this world. these things should not define us. our home is wherever the Lord has us. our home is the body of Christ. our home will one day be, and is already, in Heaven.

i'm not going to stop listening to this song. it's not harming me, it's just not applying to me either. because i'm not taking steps backward to figure out my life. i'm pressing on. i'm reaching up. i'm waiting on the Lord. in Him i will find my peace and my worth. and in His body (the "you and i") of the present time.

dirty

2010-07-12T22:27:00.000-07:00

this morning i got up, pulled on some exercise clothes, went walking/jogging with my mama, did yard work, hung many loads of laundry, watched judah in the wading pool, pulled an old desk out of the shed, blasted it off with compressed air, sanded it, painted it and cleaned the kitchen once or twice. by about 5, i was dirty and tired. the weather today was up in the 90s and you could feel it.

do you know what i did?

i came into my air-conditioned house and i showered.

i simply turned on the faucet and showered.

and while i was in there i started thinking about my friends. friends in haiti. friends who have been "displaced."

i think "displaced" is kind of a funny word. they're not misplaced. we can find them. but they're surely not where they're supposed to be. they're not supposed to be in tents. on medians. outside.

in march when i visited haiti, two friends of mine, mireille and her mother (known as "mama" joassaint) described the living situation in port au prince like this:

"we're in the streets, you-you. we're all living out in the streets. where you throw your trash. we're not trash, you-you. we don't belong in the streets."

this evening, while showering, i thought about them. i thought about the fact that at the end of their days they are most likely much dirtier and much more tired than i ever am. and they don't have the option of going inside and turning on a faucet.

they never have.

when i stay in mama's courtyard, this is where i shower:

i take a small plastic tub of some kind, fill it with water from a basin and pour it over my head, all the while trying to avoid the three-inch long cockroaches climbing the walls, slipping into that gaping hole, and being seen over the metal "door" that comes up to about my shoulders.

and that's a typical haitian shower.

but even mama and mireille are lucky there. because they're merely sleeping under a tarp in their own courtyard. they're not in a tent city. and that cinder block stall you see pictured as where they've always showered.

others have it much worse.

because where do you shower here:

there is so much on my mind. the "re-building" of haiti. the friends still in tents. the fact that it's been six whole months. the people who are in the states longing to get back home. the people in haiti who want to be anywhere but. the people in haiti who are working day and night to minister to one another.

the bombings in uganda.

my friend who is going there on friday.

all i am saying is that we are beyond blessed. and i don't ever want to take it for granted. i don't want to get comfortable with the ability to shower. with the abundance of clean water. with electricity and food. because it's not a right. it's a blessing. and a great majority of this globe lives on less.

for a good article about haiti, check here.

please read this as it was meant. read it as encouragement to be grateful for what you have. not guilty. read it as a reminder that we are fortunate. read it and think about giving to others. time, talent and/or treasure. and maybe read it and then think about re-reading this.

(all photos via the miami herald except for the cinderblock shower, which i took.)

2010-07-06T21:46:00.000-07:00

this is an award i will not be winning for blogging. i apologize. i "facebook" too much and neglect this corner of the world. so here are some updated pictures of judah to assure you that all is well in her world (and therefore, mine) by the grace of our Savior, Jesus Christ!!

judah in the hospital: part 2

2010-06-01T08:51:00.000-07:00

judah in the hospital - as posted on facebook

2010-05-31T17:38:00.000-07:00

(for those of you who are not on facebook, this is what's happening:)

okay, i'm gonna try to get all of this down because there are a lot of questions out there and i hope to address most of them right here.

it's 7:54 am on monday, memorial day. i am so thankful for the people who have and who continue to protect, aid, fight for and serve our country. i'm not always proud to be an american but i am ALWAYS thankful! i thought about that exact thing while driving judah to the emergency room two days ago. but i'll start from the beginning:

judah and i came down to southern california for the weekend to watch my "nephew" owen while his parents went to a wedding in las vegas. we arrived thursday evening. early friday morning, about 4 am, judah woke up and told me her tummy hurt. she couldn't keep still. she was squirming, crawling and climbing. then she began to vomit. a lot. after trying to clean everything and calm her down, we both slept fitfully for about an hour. so, around 8ish (?) we got up and my friends got ready to leave for vegas. judah was listless but i suspected she was worn out. throughout the day i offered her sips of anything she might be interested in drinking. that evening my friend shannon visited. she was gracious to purchase some pedialyte for judah. that evening and night judah sipped a bit more, but was still wiped out. around 3 am she started running a fever. i gave her tylenol and wiped her down with damp washcloths. owen woke at 5:30 and i had to take care of him. i was thankful to get them both sleeping for a little bit and took a nap myself. however, that morning judah's temperature rose and rose instead of coming down. i called her pediatrician back in oakhurst and he told me to take her to the e.r.
immediately i was on the phone with jessica, owen's aunt. she said to absolutely bring him right over to her house and not think anything more about it. which i did.
judah and i went to the e.r. and i was overwhelmed with the "convenience" of it. the ability to drive merely blocks, walk into the e.r., fill out two pieces of paper and then be seen was just shocking. yes, it took a long time once we were in, but we were in! we were in a clean, sterile hospital and we would be seen. how gracious is our God? i relived so many haitian hospital visits, or times when there should have been hospital visits, in my mind all the while.
brendie, my other best friend, arrived in her perfectly brendie fashion. see, i didn't have a cell phone and i didn't know what hospital i was going to when i left bren a message on facebook. i simply said, "i am taking judah to the hospital, i don't know what it's called, and i don't have a phone. emily gave me directions." from that message, bren was able to a) reach emily and ascertain the name of the hospital; b) get directions from her location to mine; and c) purchase a cell phone for me on the way. this is small example of the amazingness of brendie.
i had been doing a great job of being tough while judah was being checked out until i saw bren. then i cried just a bit.
we were worried about dehydration. judah hadn't been taking in enough fluids. they started an i.v. right away. they took urine and blood samples. they took an xray of her abdomen and of her chest. and then we waited. and waited. the (very nice) doctor came back and said the cultures were all clear as were the xrays. he was still concerned with the tenderness of her (distended and taunt) abdomen so he ordered a cat scan. i was very grateful for his desire to be thorough.
the cat scan showed some indefinite "blocking" of her . . . well, that wasn't definite either. the doc said he wanted to admit her and continue putting fluids in her overnight. however, holy cross medical center does not have a pediatric unit. that meant judah and i were going to go to another hospital via ambulance. scary. but also, i was thanking the Lord again that i was here in the states and had this amazing access to medial help!
so i rode on my first gurney and in my first ambulance. we were admitted to providence tarzana (still don't know exactly where i am) medical center at about midnight. the nurses here are superb. the paramedics, it should be said, were also very kind. one of them was the first to call judah by name. i could see she noticed; she followed him closely with her eyes and head.
we were admitted to a nice sized room and that is when i first heard the word "surgeon." i didn't like it. up until then, i was thinking they simply needed to hydrate her and that would make things start moving again and clear up the "blockage." the nurse told me the doctor and the surgeon would be coming by shortly. at that point they had to put in an N/G (nasal gastric) tube. yes, that's a tube in her nose emptying her intestine of disgustingness. i hated this part. her wide eyes. her asking me, "hold judah, mama." "mama, it hurts." hated hated that.
next i was told that i'd see the surgeon in the morning, rather than that night. we tried sleeping. i held her hand so she wouldn't rip out the NG tube. my parents arrived from home around 1am. praise God! they brought essentials (change of clothes, etc.) and prayed with judah and i before checking into a hotel.
saturday we waited and waited all day for the surgeon to come and tell us the next step. we did some more xrays and waited. dr. upperman came to see us after 5pm, i think. he was kind, patient, very informative, and certain of himself. he said, "common things are common." basically, there is no surgical history, no reason for judah to have a twisted or abscessed bowel. most likely, it was appendicitis. we then had to go for a "contrast cat scan" which was supposed to be more conclusive. i know i've harped on people for sharing TOO MUCH on facebook , so i'll just say, this was not a pleasant procedure.
they ordered a stat read on the cat scan and got it. but the scan was not conclusive re: appendicitis. dr. upperman decided to go in laparoscopically, still believing he would find appendicitis. he didn't.
as soon as he saw her intestine, he knew he'd have to open her up. a portion of it had died. this was the low point for me. the nurse came to the waiting room and said, "i just came out to tell you that we're opening her up." i suppose she said something more, but i don't know that she did. she certainly wasn't very comforting. then she walked away. i started to cry and made my dad make some phone calls for me. one of which sent brendie back down (now her third visit) to us. i was crying and praying and i took comfort in the fact that the Lord has a plan for me and for judah. a plan for a future and a hope. i also felt the Lord reminding me to be still and know that He is God. He told me that the peace He gives me is not the peace of this world, but a far greater, a true peace. i rested in that. scared, but believing in Christ.

dr upperman found that the intestine had twisted on itself and that about 8ish inches had simply become dead tissue. what was unknown was why this had happened. it would be understandable if judah had a history of surgery. in that case, she could have built up some scar tissue that could possibly block or contort the intestine. but she has no such history. (well, i guess she does NOW, but she didn't last night.)
dr. upperman had to take out that section of the intestine and repair the remaining length. can you believe that after surgery he came out and showed me pictures of my daughter's intestines on his iphone? it was so obvious which part was healthy and which part was dead. it was crazy to look at those pictures that had been taken just within that hour of the inside of my child. crazy.

my mom was standing in the hallway, anxious, when she saw them transporting judah to the PICU. she motioned and we all went running to catch a glimpse. then i just cried while my parents and bren hugged me. what a relief to see her being moved into recovery!! praise the Lord!!

what happens now? now we wait some more. a minimum of 7-8 days. minimum. we have to see that there is no leaking of the repair sight. that she doesn't get an infection. that she can handle drinking and eating. but it's so fragile he won't even let her try drinking for 4 more days. painful when she wakes up asking for exactly that: something to drink.
i've been drinking water with my back to her only when she's asleep. i just feel awful doing it in front of her. she can't understand why she can't have anything.

judah is a fighter. she's a smart girl. she has an incredible memory. and she is my blessing from the Lord. i know she will fight to get better. please pray that she wins that battle. please pray that she does not have an infection. please pray that there are no further complications in the near or far future.

last night as i was sitting with my parents in the waiting room, my mom said, "i don't know about you, but i can feel everyone's prayers." i shared that i could too. the image in my head was the verizon map. all those red spots showing up across the country were not indicating cell phone coverage, rather those were people praying to our Almighty God for judah and myself. we felt it. please keep 'em coming.

love and thankfulness for you all,
angela (grateful mama of judah icky-licky googob)

forgiveness

2010-05-13T21:20:00.000-07:00

to the only sinner at my church:

i see you there, sitting in the back.

we all see you.

are you appropriately contrite during slow songs?

do you show immense thankfulness when grace is proclaimed?

are you just going to sit there while the rest of us stand, sway, and raise our hands?

don't you of all people know the sacrifice Christ paid for you?

we, the righteous, living the exemplified Christian life, are watching. and we can tell by your un-raised hand that your repentance is not genuine.

any Father would be a fool to kill the fatted calf for you.

here, watch me. i'll show you how it's done.

the worship leader is picking it up; if you love Jesus,

clap now.

if you don't clap, i'll know; you can't fool me.

what's that you say?

lost my focus?

no, no.

see i'm the righteous son.

i stayed faithful.

i've never committed a sin quite as heinous as yours.

i'm pretty sure that gives me the right to tell you when you're in the wrong.

~ signed,

ms. holierthanthou III

these thoughts came to me one day while visiting a church out of town. i was sitting near the back, lost in thought, questioning why the pastor was saying what he was and trying to find any Scripture at all to support what he was teaching. as a multi-tasker, while i was looking up verses that were not posted on the overhead screen, i was thinking that if someone were watching me instead of the speaker, they may form a misconception or two. and then i thought about all the times we watch others in church. all those times we make judgement calls we're not qualified to make. i think it's fairly obvious why the Lord tells us not to judge lest we be judged. even when we think we know something about a person, we still have no right to condemn them for anything. knowing the grace and mercy of our own redemption, we cannot begin to think about looking down on anyone else. especially our own brothers and sisters!

while shuffling through my ipod today, i came across jennifer knapp, a long-neglected friend. her song "hold me now" is one of my all time favorites. and while we're on the subject of redemption and forgiveness, i thought i'd post the lyrics here as a beautiful reminder:

"hold me now"

from glass alabaster, she pours out the depths of her soul

oh, foot of Christ, would You wait if her harlotry's known?

falls a tear to darken the dirt of humblest offerings to forgive the hurt

she is strong enough to stand in Your love

i can hear her say

"i'm weak, i am poor

i'm broken, Lord, but i'm Yours

hold me now, hold me now"

let he without sin cast the first stone, if you will

to say My bride isn't worth half the blood that I've spilled

point your fingers, and laugh if you choose

to say My beloved is borrowed and used

she is strong enough to stand in My love

I can hear her say

"i'm weak, i am poor

i'm broken, Lord, but i'm Yours

hold me now, hold me now

when i'm weak and i'm poor

i'm broken, Lord, but i'm Yours

hold me now, hold me now"

- jennifer knapp

kansas

the day the earth shook

2010-05-03T22:05:00.000-07:00

i have a friend, more of an acquaintance really, who is a full-time missionary in haiti.

she, along with her husband and their large tribe of children, moved to haiti just a few months before i did. i met her eldest daughter first. then slowly, over time, met more and more family members. i, along with hundreds of others, felt that i knew tara even before i met her.

reason being?

she had a blog. a daily, colorful blog about living in haiti, life with children,

and about the man she loves.

oh, and i always logged on to see troy's pictures.

(i even asked for his book last Christmas. i don't have it yet, so if anyone is feeling so inclined . . . )

anyhow, i have had a few snippets of conversation with tara over the years. most of these have actually been since i left haiti. at that point, she and her family moved into the city and began working with two different organizations: heartline ministries and world wide village.

on january 12, i began praying fervently for the livesay family. i prayed protection over troy as he headed out day after day to find survivors. i prayed for strength, peace, endurance, protection for tara as she daily fielded more tasks than i could take on in a month. she did all this while being afraid and while having absolutely no control over her circumstances. that is hard on a good day. on a bad day, the kind of day when you're not even given options on how to properly care for your own children in the midst of horrendous circumstances, that is your worst nightmare. i was praying for their children. praying peace, praying for visas, praying that the younger ones would not grasp the horrors of the situation.

if you were watching the news that first week, there is a really good chance you saw troy's face and read his tweets about what he was encountering and what help was needed. he was the news before anderson cooper. troy now has nearly 10,000 followers on twitter. that number skyrocketed right after the quake.

as i anxiously waited for news of my loved ones in haiti, i sat by the computer and tried to glean all the information i could from twitter, facebook, emails, cnn, etc. i prayed and prayed.

i cried my eyes out. and i wondered what they were all living through.

my friend megan was there. she was working with the livesays. it was because of her and troy that we learned only hours after the earthquake that every single child at three angels was alive and unharmed!!

in a series of blog posts, tara has taken the time to fill us in on what she remembers happening in those first crucial days. her posts can be found here, here, here and here (in that order).

these are emotionally charged posts and with good reason. i would encourage each of you to take the time to read them, even if it is hard for you to do so. this is history documented. this is real life, unedited (well, mostly).

on january 13, i posted a short blog about prayer, places to donate, and my "family members" from whom i still had not heard. on january 15, i wrote this. what i wrote there rings true today. please remember to pray daily, hourly for the people of haiti.

their pain is still real, but our God is still bigger.

bazile eziye

2010-04-24T13:30:00.001-07:00

last august i took what i believe to be one of the best pictures i've ever taken.

here it is:

this little boy is named eziye which in english is pronounced isaiah.

he is gorgeous.

eziye was staying at pastor josue's house in august while i was there. he had recently had surgery to correct a herniated testicle and pastor josue and his wife were watching him as he recovered. having been released from the hospital, he was supposed to refrain from any strenuous activity, so josue thought it best not to have him return immediately to the orphanage and all the other children.

wise move, i say.

anyhow, as soon as i got to the orphanage last week, i wanted to see his face again. he was hiding under a red hood, but not difficult to locate even in a sea of faces.

what a doll. eziye has four brothers . . . or is it three? i don't know about his parents, but i do know he is one of the sponsored children of "new life to the children."

he was busy playing with friends this time and we were passing out plates of food to nearly 80 neighborhood children, so we didn't talk much. i saw a few of his brothers though.

turns out, they're gorgeous too.

jidlene

2010-04-23T14:43:00.000-07:00

last august i visited cité soleil (in creole: site solèy. in english: sun city) for the first time.

i was only there a few hours. we went to pastor marciel's church on a sunday morning. when we exited the church (while the service was still ongoing), a woman handed me a naked child.

her name was jidlene.

jidlene's mom, the woman said, was gone. she indicated that the mother may have been a bit crazy. her dad? well, let's just say he doesn't seem to feel much responsibility toward his daughter.

see? her dad is the one in the von dutch hat. coulda strangled him with my bare hands, but the Lord restrained me. her bloated tummy and blood-shot eyes told me she wasn't eating.

it would seem that his hat and cd player were far more important to jidlene's dad than feeding his daughter.

the woman who handed jidlene to me asked me to take the child home with me. clearly i could do no such thing. never mind that it would be completely illegal, i don't have the means to feed another mouth.

i spent a good part of that afternoon crying for this little girl. i couldn't imagine what her fate would be. how would she survive?

the last two weeks i had an opportunity to return to that very church. we spent our 10 days in haiti working on rebuilding pastor marciel's church since the walls had collapsed in the earthquake. you might imagine that i set out looking for jidlene right away.

i found her.

isn't God good?

opportunity

2010-03-30T23:23:00.000-07:00

it is said that the Lord works in mysterious ways.

we (my dad, our friend steve, and i) were in haiti for six days. we spent our first night in carrefour fueilles and then moved out to the land in gressier.

on our second day working in gressier, pastor josue called me from the city to say he had picked up a "missionary" and was bringing him out to gressier. this guy wanted to help us out and was looking for a place to stay.

communication has never been haiti's strong point.

so i informed the others that along with our water, some more plywood and some door hinges, joshua would be coming to help us.

it did not take long for it to become apparent to us all that joshua was not a Christian missionary. he may have been on a mission, but he was surely not working for Christ.

joshua showed up wearing a pair of cammo shorts, a newsie cap and a blue button-up shirt which was only buttoned in one place. he wore hiking boots, wool socks, a number of tattoos and necklaces and the tell-tales slashes of a cutter.

his most recent cut, we later learned, was inflicted on Christmas eve.

introduced, joshua started out working as soon as we picked our tools back up. with knowledge in construction, he was a great asset to our team and our work. he had an extremely positive attitude and only took about 2 smoke breaks an hour. being english, he spoke with an accent that caused my already taxed brain to strain to understand him. i was already translating for everyone on the property and felt like i would need to translate his english for my dad and steve too. clearly, i was a bit sleep deprived.

quickly his story started to form:

recently split up from his girlfriend (nearly two decades older), he went "home" for Christmas and was interned by his family into an institution. diagnosed as "manic", he was prescribed some medication. not wanting to take said drugs, joshua bailed. he worked a bit to pay off his debt and upon hearing about the earthquake, escaped to haiti. he figured people there could use help and he could forget about things for awhile.

when we met him he was going on seven weeks in haiti and had been kicked off the UN base where he had been staying for the past three.

he remembered meeting don (our friend from hollister) at the airport one day and called josue to see if he could come work with us for awhile.

all this he shared with us freely which is why i do not feel i should keep it from you.

joshua worked hard each day. he was not mean spirited and not condescending. he worked well with our team and with the haitians.

but at night he had us to deal with.

as soon as he had arrived my dad explained that we were Christians and in haiti to serve the Lord by serving our brothers.

my dad told him that we would be having a bible study that night and that he was more than welcome (read: strongly encouraged) to join us. kindly, lovingly, straightforwardly, my dad laid out the gospel of Jesus Christ.

joshua, admitting to be confused and seeking, listened and asked many questions.

we all had answers.

because to us, Jesus is everything.

joshua had ideas of who he wants to believe God is.

don't we all?

we said, however, that while we might want to believe any number of things about God, there is absolute truth and we cannot change that.

God is Who He says He is in the bible.

in the same way, you can believe whatever you want about me, but if it isn't true, it simply isn't true.

we talked about heaven and hell.

we discussed re-incarnation.

good vs. evil.

how can a good God allow this to happen?

those were some great talks.

some really sweet times.

he heard what we had to say. he was questioning, seeking, lost.

we talked every day. he was receptive. never did he ask us to stop "pushing" our beliefs because it was clear to him that we truly love Jesus. and when you love someone you cannot help but talk about them.

all the time.

on saturday night we told him we would be going to church the next morning and that he was welcome to join us. steve preached from james, ephesians, psalms, and romans. josue translated. the congregation worshipped. joshua cried.

at the end of the service my dad surreptitiously presented joshua with a bible.

he was grateful.

joshua was informed that he could not stay at mama's house after we left. he met up with another friend on sunday afternoon. we parted ways but he asked that we call him when the next team arrives. he wants to help.

i know i have asked you to pray for the people of haiti. now i am asking you to pray for joshua. he is so lost, so hurt. he has had a long, painful past. he wants truth. he wants security. pray that he finds Jesus.

torn

2010-03-25T14:48:00.000-07:00

i have a subscription to

better homes and gardens magazine.

(a free subscription, mind you.)

bet you didn't see that one coming.

if i had a television, i'd watch home makeover shows all day long.

aesthetically, i just love stores like anthropolgie and urban outfitters.

i say this because i'm not sure you'll ever know it about me. i mean, even if the Lord is gracious to give me my own home someday, i don't expect to decorate it like the grand schemes i dream up in my head. i never intend to have the wardrobe i'm trying to avoid coveting from stores like the ones i've mentioned above. i simply could not justify that.

so i'm just not sure if you'll ever know that i have great taste! :)

i feel torn quite often.

i like design. i like layout. i like color schemes and high end paper. i love photography and i enjoy coordinating events. especially themed events.

i think in pictures.

i think in scenes.

i've directed a couple of children's plays and i really like seeing a script come to life.

i suppose i'm simply trying to say that creativity draws me.

and yet, i simply cannot put my time and effort into those things and i'll tell you why.

because i have seen this:

(photo taken 5 months pre-quake)

and this doesn't leave room for aesthetics.

the people of haiti are her beauty. the land has been pillaged. what once was nearly a rain- forrest, now is so barren the rain simply rolls off its surface.

my two worlds never interface. the pleasing sights, sounds, and smells of my clean and comfortable california home contrast vastly with the land i love. the arid, trash-ridden, pile of rubble that is haiti.

if i were to try to describe last week honestly i think i would use words such as hot, dirty, bug infested, gritty, anxious, sad, devastating, tough, frustrating, and scary.

it seems nonsensical to also use the words amazing, surprising, encouraging, beautiful, peaceful, satisfactory, humorous, and cold.

but this is what haiti can do to you. and really it's the Lord. no other way to explain that while your body is crying "oh please take me home!" your heart is asking you to stay.

so while my eyes tell me this is absolutely adorable:

my heart tells me she is far far more beautiful, more worthy of all my time, energy and funding:

that teaching him about carpentry was a wonderful way to spend my week:

that building shelters to keep people out of the tent cities where women and children are in real danger of not only disease, hunger, and flooding, but also rape is far more virtuous than registering once again for the hgtv dream home:

i know that watching her worship in the midst of extreme loss and poverty was worth the cost of my ticket three times over:

it was an extremely worthwhile week and i'm excited for my return in a few weeks!

thank you, Jesus, for this opportunity. thank you for giving me ears to hear and eyes to see.

fresh cut

2010-03-09T15:35:00.000-08:00

no, i did not go through a major break-up.

no crisis here.

i simply cut my hair.

i was growing it because i agreed to grow it out with my mom so we could both donate our hair. she's gonna cut hers in the next two weeks. her hair grows faster and is longer than mine. she is donating to locks of love while i am giving my hair to pantene beautiful lengths.

thankfully, the charity i'm donating to accepts 8" as opposed to the usual 10" most other organizations require.

i am leaving for haiti on monday and i don't know how long i'll be there. i also don't know where i'll be staying. if we're staying out at the construction site, i imagine there will be a water shortage. not knowing how long i'll be going between showers etc., i figured it would be best to donate my hair

before

i go. otherwise, its just plain rude. you should never give away cast off items, right? i mean, not as a gift. unless we're talking about some weird gift exchange at Hallmark-mas in which people try to give each other the worst present possible. and that's not the point here.

as much as i dislike hair, there is someone out there who loves it. someone who feels naked without it. someone who is simply looking for a piece of normalcy.

someone with cancer.

i tried, while growing out my hair, to do what my mom does and pray for the person who would receive my hair. i hope it is a blessing. i hope they find true hope which can only be found in the person of Jesus Christ.

i know i didn't always have the best attitude about my hair. i really don't like long hair at all. but i tried to be positive and not complain. i tried to treat it like a blessing. but i have to say i'm thrilled to have it off. i'm happy to have made the goal (just barely) and happy to be through.

and i think it will be exceptionally easy while i'm in haiti which is just one more bonus!

i hope you like it.

best.dad.ever

2010-02-25T15:27:00.001-08:00

i have said this before. i think it might be time to say it again. as it turns out, i have the

best dad ever.

my dad is selfless. he is the behind-the-sceens giver. the one who makes things happen and never takes any credit.

the quiet, driving force behind not only our family, but our church family as well.

he cares about others and puts that compassion into action. but action with thought and planning. he is deliberate. his actions, thought out.

oh he might come out the gate charging, but he has the humility and tenacity to listen to wise counsel and to change his course.

my dad is gracious. he is forgiving. he is incredibly generous. my dad provides for my mom, myself, my daughter, my brother and helps those in need.

my dad is my hero.

my dad also happens to be judah's best friend.

his humor . . . takes time. understanding. my dad can make almost anything into a game.

with my dad you're always on an adventure, always keeping score, always seven years old.

this week my dad has made my heart sing because i have watched him once again orchestrate something beautiful. he is putting together not one but two construction teams for "new life to the children" in haiti. he has been online and on the phone constantly seeking volunteers, recruiting help, soliciting organizations for aid.

in all honesty, haiti isn't my dad's forte.

neither is construction. he has said he's not sure his dad even owned a hammer. but he is willing to organize these trips, willing to sacrifice his bed, willing to go because he believes in helping his brother. and he knows that the people of haiti are our brothers and sisters.

he knows very well.

because his best friend is from haiti.

and she has him tied around her little finger (whether he'll admit it or not). and someday i'll get the privilege of telling judah about this time in our lives. about when her grandpa stepped up and took action.

i am so blessed, papa, that you are my dad. i am so grateful that the Lord allowed me to be in your family. He didn't have to. He could have given you to someone else. but man am i glad He didn't.

i love you, dad.

and i mean it when i say that

you

are the very

best

dad

ever.

2010-02-12T23:22:00.001-08:00

convicting mercy

2010-02-07T21:15:00.000-08:00

we took communion today.

as our pastor read from Scripture, i was convicted of the Lord's mercy. by that i mean i saw how merciful He has been to me, how He redeemed me and i was put to shame by the desire to hold others' sins against them.

namely, those "missionaries" from idaho who thought a good idea was to go to haiti and take children that did not belong to them. apparently just coming to america solves all problems. nothing to be said about living in Christ-centered homes no matter where you are on earth. no matter the conditions.

having spent two years working hard to fight lies and misconceptions about international adoption, the actions of these "well-meaning" people was a huge blow. i was angry. actually, i was more than that.

i was condemning.

and today Christ showed me my sin. it's not for me to judge. it's not for me to condemn them. yes, they were wrong. but (and i hope this is true) they thought they were doing something good. "misguided" doesn't even come close to touching how wrong they were. but they will have to live with their horrible decision for the rest of their lives.

i understand the consequences of sin. moreover, i know a thing or two about really public sin. one of my sins hangs out like summer laundry for the world to see. i have repented and i have been forgiven. GRAS A DYE!

(grace of God!)

even so, the world still sees my sin. even so i endure ramifications of my sin all the time. and my sin was never broadcast on international television.

the Lord quietly, gently, kindly brought this to mind today as i sat in the back row praying. yes, those people from idaho sinned. but so have i. and i have been forgiven, washed clean. if they repent to Jesus Christ for their sin, they too will be forgiven.

who am i to condemn?

the next step

2010-02-04T22:31:00.000-08:00

i am so blessed.

i honestly have the best of friends and the most wonderful family. if you know me, you can't deny this.

it's hard to think about the next step.

there was an unspeakable tragedy. and there were days of uncertainty. there is still a great deal unknown. people are suffering unimaginable pain. and they seem to suffer with dignity. i've been on quite the roller coaster, as we all have, the last three weeks and two days. i soar with the triumph of ALL OUR CHILDREN COMING HOME!

and then my heart sinks as the reports come in and i read that 45 children lost their lives. again, i'm encouraged when i think of those children dancing with full bellies and no sickness in the presence of our Lord Jesus!

amen?

next i speak with nicole and learn she's lost her boyfriend and they've not been eating. i ask God, "why? why can't i do something for those who are in need?"

and

"why did it have to happen?"

and

"why can't i go?"

i read about friends who have had to make tough decisions to leave their country behind. i ache some more. i know that pain. know it all too well.

the earthquake has renewed my prayer life.

i prayed a lot before january 12, but i have not ceased since that day. i know that is what i was commanded to do all along. the Lord, it is said, works in mysterious ways.

my mother is my best friend.

(i know i call a lot of people that, but seriously, she is.)

my mom and our dear friend reg put their words and my wonderings into action. they believed in a fundraiser. they supported my hopes. they have worked tirelessly since we set about to do this thing. and that has moved me. my dad has been a constant support. he has precautions and ideas. again, blessed.

this is what we are doing:

on february 20th, there will be a (i hesitate to call it this) craft fair.

we will be selling art, photography, jewelry, quilts, children's boutique wear, really tasty baked goods, and much more. we will also have live music and a caricature artist.

at the same time we are orchestrating a community fundraiser. many local businesses will be donating to our cause from their profits of said weekend. the idea is simple: many people are strapped financially and won't make it to the (ahem) craft fair. these same people, however, will pick up their dry cleaning, get their morning mocha, and their afternoon sub. if the dry cleaners are donating some of their profits to haïti, then the customer can feel like a contributor without going over their budget.

this is a big project but it feels really good to be doing something to help. and as i said, i am so blessed. so far i have over 20 people (read "friends" or "blessings") who are busy making products which they are donating no strings attached, to the fundraiser. the print shop where i was printing some of my pictures to sell, printed them free of charge. the copy shop where i stopped to make copies of my flyers, printed them free of charge. the newspaper is going to run our flyer free of charge. and the lady from the cable company is in my weight watchers group and said she'd put my announcement on tv free of charge!

a wonderful woman in our church wrote me a check to print pictures, buy frames, make my verse books and whatever other expenses might come up. she just sent it to me in the mail because she wanted to help. seriously.

i have a friend whose son made a stuffed animal, his first sewing project. he's making stuffed cats to benefit the children of haïti. incidentally, i became involved with "new life to the children" because of his grandpa and took my first trip to haïti because of and with his dad.

some have asked me about my choice to raise funds for "new life to the children" and not "three angels." i'll answer that now. "three angels" is a solid organization. i support them. gretchen and shannon are very close to my heart. i have donated to their cause over the years and since the quake. i loved my time living at Angel House.

the reason i have chosen "new life" instead is because of need. "three angels" has made a bit of a name for itself this past month. they are on the radio and television all over the country. newspapers continue to spotlight the miraculous exodus of those remaining 26 children. they were even featured in time magazine!

i praise the Lord that those 26 children, most of whom i lived with and prayed over constantly, are now home with their forever families. but "new life" lost 45 children. most of their buildings have been destroyed. they are haitian founded and run, so their voice in america is not strong. they have received little aid so far. prior to the quake, they were building on some property outside of port au prince. reports say the construction is unharmed. don will be arriving there tomorrow to investigate and assess whether they can put up temporary, safe buildings on the site and move the remaining children and caregivers there.

i want to help in this. i worked with these pastors, caregivers, and children. i think this is a worthy cause. i know the money raised will not be squandered. i know they have great need. i want to make their voice heard.

please support them.

give with liberality - romans 12:8

2010-01-15T13:52:00.000-08:00

this generation of americans has been hailed the entertainment generation. the longest commercial we've had to endure probably lasted an entire minute. (and for that, we had to change the channel.) it's no wonder, with the millisecond flashes of information we've been bombarded with on our television sets that we also have the greatest prevalence of ADD ever.

last week, when i told people i had lived in haiti, they couldn't find it on the map.

since tuesday, all focus has been on the devastated island. you cannot turn on the tv, computer or radio without hearing about the earthquake, to say nothing of texting, tweeting, and newspapers.

but sometime in the next month, the word "haiti" will go away. and when that happens, when matt lauer starts talking about a suicide bomber instead, i want you to remember this face:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/43701062@N05/4277220078/

when anderson cooper returns to the states and people stop following troy livesay's tweets, don't forget that this woman is still crying.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/9183672/4277115470/

when the city of port au prince becomes passé in today's media remember that they are still living without food, clean water or shelter. they are living with INCREDIBLE risk of disease.

the people of haiti have always needed our help. not having clean drinking water has always been a problem. they have also always suffered from a severe lack of food. it took a catastrophe for the world to notice them. but i fear it won't take much for the world to forget. to move on.

people are very inclined to give right now. they want to feel good, feel as though they did something important. i want to tell you EVERY DOLLAR YOU GIVE IS NECESSARY AND IMPORTANT. you have done well. but next month, when america has moved on, when we turn our attention back to a deceitful healthcare bill, haiti will still need you. so make a commitment right now to give monthly. give out of every pay check. because the Lord said that whatever you do for the least among you, you have done for Him. you don't have to wait to feel "called" to give. we've already been commanded to love our neighbors as ourselves. as we spend on ourselves, so we should spend in aid.

go ahead. change his world.

ezayi bazile (isaiah - in english)

here are four reliable organizations. every penny you send will go directly to helping the people of haiti and will not be taken out for "administrative fees" or any other scam.

www.hcfonline.com

www.threeangelshaiti.org

www.heartlineministries.org

www.boskohaiti.com

please pass this along.

help for haiti

2010-01-13T17:52:00.000-08:00

**if you look at the picture above, the one in my header, you can begin to speculate how devastating an earthquake is to haïti.**

(PLEASE NOTE - THIS PHOTO WAS TAKEN FOUR YEARS AGO BEFORE ANY EARTHQUAKE!)

the Lord our God is gracious. He is mighty to save! while images and reports flash across our tv and computer screens, we wait. we beg God for mercy. and He delivered last night. we learned that although the building of Three Angles is damaged, all the children and the volunteer abbie are safe! how mighty is our God?

the questions have started: how can we help?

below i will list ways you can donate, but first i want to ask that EVERYONE who reads this join me in praying specifically that in light of this disaster, all officials will be lenient and allow the children who are currently in the process of being adopted to COME HOME immediately. that the Lord will open doors to allow the children to get on planes and into the arms of their waiting families. i know this is an impossible feat according to everything we know but so was saving ALL OF OUR CHILDREN!

the Lord can accomplish this. let's pray together.

for donations, consider the following organizations:
(i personally vouch for all of these organizations, knowing that your entire donation will go directly to the people of haiti, the relief and aid efforts there.)

www.threeangelshaiti.org (where i lived)

www.hcfonline.com (where i was in august)

www.heartlineministries.org (where megan works)

www.boskohaiti.com (don brown's organization)

i would also appreciate your prayers for the many, many people from whom we have not yet heard. they include: judah's dad - jean bernard and my dear friend nicole. i have not spoken with judah's dad in many months (by choice) and he does not have a telephone so i am unable to contact him now. i have attempted to call nicole, but reached someone else at her number who did not know her. i appreciate all your prayers in this regard. thank you all for your emails, phone calls, and more importantly PRAYERS!

shallow

2010-01-06T23:18:00.000-08:00

oh this is a post about nothing at all.

loyal followers may remember that a year ago i posted about my new shoes.

as it happens, these have been perfectly comfortable, supportive shoes for me this last year. but how i miss my chucks. to top that, i have some pants that fit me and i don't have to cuff them. so now i'm out there wearing pumas and uncuffed pants. if you pass me on the street (ha ha ha) and don't recognize me i will not blame you at all. i will, however, suggest you start looking up.

twenty ten

2010-01-04T20:24:00.000-08:00

i once heard about a girl who took a picture of herself every morning when she woke up. no matter where she was or what she was doing. it was an intriguing idea.

for absolutely no reason, i started doing it on the first of this year. will i do it the whole year? i think i might. maybe we'll find that judah moves out of my bed and into her own.

surely, we'll see a haircut; hopefully in the next couple of months

(*fingers crossed).

now i don't intend to post them all here. or anywhere, for that matter. no, i don't wash my face, so you'll possibly see traces of mascara. i also don't love waking up, so i might not be my glowing self. but they will be an accurate portrayal of our mornings.

so, here's to twenty ten and fun picture journeys:

(she sneezed)

so this is Christ-mas

2009-12-22T23:28:00.000-08:00

my mother has the gift of hospitality and it shows.

i think i have it too. she has taught me a lot and i try to be like her. it pleases both of us to open our homes, to bake for others, to cook for others, to serve others. we find great joy in allowing people to relax and enjoy themselves. so it's not hard to see that this time of year we kind of blossom.

we bake. we meal plan. we have people over. we share.

but that is not Christmas.

Christmas is not the perfect gift. it's not the cookies or the trees. Christmas is not opening stockings or slicing the turkey. Christmas is not even about giving or family.

Christmas is the day Jesus was born.

God Incarnate left His throne and became a man, just like us.

and this is the day which was set aside in remembrance of that incident, that birth.

but we've lost sight of that.

this entire season has become engrossed in marketing and consumerism, and it's getting pretty ugly out there.

maybe you've heard about advent conspiracy

and what they're trying to accomplish. or maybe you go to a church that has become involved. and i think it's a worthy cause myself.

but as i said before, i don't even think Christmas is about giving.

it's just about Christ.

i came across this video today and it resounded within me. let's pick up our bibles and get back to the basics. read john or luke with new eyes and ears. don't be bothered with chapter and verse. think of luke trying to share everything he remembers about the time he spent with Jesus.

think of him just bubbling over trying to spill it all. the joy of realizing who Christ was. the awe of His coming. the conditions surrounding His birth. the humility of being scorned as His follower. the despair of His death. and the joy everlasting when you find

He rose again!

please take the time to watch this and consider how we might change how we celebrate this season starting in our own homes.

That's Christmas (Short Film) HD from St Helen’s Church on Vimeo.

the proverbial small stuff

2009-12-16T19:38:00.001-08:00

these days my life seems pretty small. not throwing a pity party here, just being straightforward. i live in the mountains far removed from everyone but my sweet family. i often stay on our property (or even indoors) all day long.

i get up, exercise, shower, eat, dance with judah, read a book, watch her watch "planet earth", bake, check facebook to see how the rest of the world lives, do some laundry, etc.

so it's not all that surprising that the little things can make my day. for a good example, today judah read "what's up, duck: a book of opposites" (a momentary favorite) to four wise men from her nativity set.

she finished reading, but left it there for them to ponder while she went off on another adventure.

also, today judah's adorable new sheets arrived for her big girl bed. and since the temperatures were up today (and we couldn't bake since the electricity went out) we had a chance to paint her bed.

as i said, the small stuff is making my days. like tonight when i went to weight watchers and found that i have reached my pre-pregnancy weight! whoo-hoo. that's pretty exciting for me.

sometimes the thing that makes my day is a picture. like, for instance, these:

i also had a particularly exciting evening when i was able to get judah's hair to do this:to me, the small things are filling up the days, and they're amounting to some pretty good days.

counting it all joy,

angela and judah (stink-a-pudah)

seen at the manger

2009-12-01T23:07:00.001-08:00

today while helping my mother set out her plethora of Christmas decor, i was confronted with the age-old question:

"who was present at the birth of Jesus?"

this was quickly followed by a pondering of the time frame for the arrival of the magi and just how many were there anyway. three gifts are mentioned, but surely that doesn't mean only three wise men followed the star. this has been debated for centuries. two, to be exact. but i think i may have come across some valuable information from one of our haïtian nativity sets.

due to a noticeable lack of a staff or a crown, it is hard to distinguish among the players in this scene. let's see who we might find, shall we?

the fellow in the middle seems to be clutching some sort of flower. it's hard to say if this is part of his beautifully stitched robe or whether it might be a gift for our Lord. to his left i see there is certainly a gift-bearer . . . gold, perhaps?

according to the haïtian artist who made these figures, it would appear that at least one hunchback was also present in bethlehem that evening.

not only that, but there were also either some very close couples or two sets of conjoined twins welcoming the Lord to earth.

this guy is pretty much my favorite of the bunch. affectionately termed "stabby mcgee", i have been trying to determine just what kind of weapon he is carrying. fairly sure it's an early machete (aka: shank).

oh, it keeps going.

here are the "beasts of the field" if you will. although i'm becoming more convinced each day that emily was right in guessing the grey one to be the loch ness monster which would mean they are not all "of the field."

lastly, i use this woman as mary since she looks the most bedraggled of the group. i think it's foolish of us to think that after all that time on a donkey (cross country) and then after giving birth that mary would look any better than this:

thoughts? any questionable characters on your mantle?

snow-people

2009-11-30T15:00:00.000-08:00

they're back! to those of you who received a snowman card of the past from yours truly, i apologize. i know those cards were cute, but they lacked a certain personality, a certain character. but no longer. this year the cards are back with style.

pictured here in all white you have THE TRADITIONALIST. typically, she doesn't stray from the norm. her walls have no garish colors on them and she prefers chicken to beef. she sings in the church choir and votes every november.

in rugged browns is the luke danes of snowmen. he is what you might call "OUTDOORSY." he munches on granola while regaling you with stories of his last fishing trip. the perfect choice of cards for that woodsmen in your life.

next up is a little CALICO kitten. her suppers are served to her every night at seven o'clock sharp. in her vocabulary "off the rack" is a dirty phrase. she has donned a festive (matching, of course) scarf but turned up her nose to the traditional top hat snow-people ought to wear.

have a new arrival in the family? LITTLE PINK or BLUE snow-people are sure to bring a smile to mom's face this winter. consider an alternative to the typical congratulatory card and send some happy buttons instead!

and what is Christmas without the message of "peace on earth"? here at lineofjudah we think promoting peace might have something to do with tearing down any remaining walls of racism. and what is more racist than a yard full of WHITE SNOW-PEOPLE?! who's gonna represent? so i've come up with the all new, the fly-in-the-face of traditionalism BROTHA SNOWMAN!

please enjoy the snow-family i've created and the tiny pieces of humor that go along with them! merry Christ-mas to all!

teaser

2009-11-29T22:53:00.000-08:00

be intrigued. be very intrigued.

alexis

2009-11-23T22:40:00.001-08:00

alexis is beautiful. she is kind and thoughtful. alexis is extremely sensitive to the feelings of others. ali, to those who talk to her with affection, loves children. ali is on the pep squad. ali is funny and has a great laugh. ali deals patiently with her siblings . . . most of the time.

ali is the second oldest in a large family and plays her role well. she kindly, willingly allowed jordy to share her room while judah and i crashed their house for two whole weeks! ali loves pink. ali's room is great shades of pink and white and brown. i think she would like a poka dot or two, but ali's not usually one to complain. ali would take time to find a toy to interest judah. ali would make sure judah didn't fall down the stairs! ali shared some of her best halloween candy with me! she loves to take pictures and has a good eye.

ali loves the Lord Jesus and is not ashamed to share it! ali seems to have many friends. she and jordy were always off to some slumber party or another. ali is an encourager. ali's best friend is named megan burnett but they don't get to see each other as often as they might like. life gets busy, you know. while we were in indiana, judah broke ali's sunglasses. still sorry about that, ali! :(

ali, you're a blast to be around and judah and i miss you greatly. i hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday! what you need to do is convince your mama to get you all out here next time and you can visit us!

love you, friend!

jordy

2009-11-16T20:12:00.000-08:00

jordyn ~

i began writing this post in my head last monday morning. it was hard for jordyn and i to say goodbye to each other that day. jordyn gave up her room (a private room is a precious commodity in the cundiff home) for judah and i to use for two whole weeks.

jordyn is admirably responsible, willing and thoughtful. jordyn is generous. jordyn has a tender heart. jordyn is funny. she can talk a lot about a hockey puck. jordyn is good with her siblings. she took great care of judah for me. jordyn loves the Lord Jesus and she loves her family. jordyn loves green. jordyn is quite bright and works hard on her schoolwork. she has a great sense of humor and a wonderful laugh!

i can't say how much i appreciated jordyn the last few weeks. it was wonderful to have a place (her room) set aside just for judah and i. she willingly gave up her room to sleep on an air mattress for our sake. thanks so much, jordy. i miss you. i loved spending time with you the last few weeks. thanks for being a sweet friend.

hope

2009-11-06T22:05:00.000-08:00

i saw this on cara's blog and had to repost it:

it speaks for itself. let's make a difference. sunday is "orphan sunday." what has God called YOU to do?

for your viewing enjoyment

2009-10-19T12:25:00.000-07:00

b.l.a.h.

2009-10-05T10:14:00.000-07:00

i know, i know. i haven't posted since august 21st. you know, this blog isn't titled "this writer's block" for nothing. i don't know what to say. life is life. we go about it every day. i miss my friends. i miss my kids. i love being judah's mom. i love spending time with my family. i think of haiti every single day. i am enjoying the turning of the seasons. i am losing weight. fall makes me want to bake. we went to the state fair. we saw aunt shanley. we saw sissy. we saw cousin owen, auntie em and uncle ryan. we visited with GG and my aunts. my parents went to hawai'i. they brought judah a grass skirt. i am trying (still) to sell my car. i want to go to evansville. judah is getting huge. i fear she's behind in language. then i remember she's learning english, creole and sign and i feel better. she's brilliant. she understands commands and questions in all those languages. she responds perfectly. she has an incredible memory. she has great powers of deduction. i pray, i beg the Lord for her salvation. it's fall and my skin is getting dry. i am wearing socks again. i am making wedding invitations for a friend. those are challenging. i want them to be perfect. i am trying to get more things into my etsy store and hoping to make some dough. i am still making verse books but that has slowed. i'm on facebook everyday and i feel like posting the same stuff here is redundant. i made over some furniture for the front porch. that was fun. we made a whole "room" out there and i like it a lot. it's getting too cold to hang laundry any longer. it just doesn't dry. i want to potty train judah.

you see? while a lot is going on, none of it is particularly blog-able. and sometimes life gets a bit political. what to share, what not to share. if i say __________ will it offend someone? am i gonna step on toes? how personal should i get? how much is too much? and the list goes on.

there are so many greater subjects running through my head: life, being a true Christian, living that out daily, what the Lord requires of me as a mom, the church in america, has that failed, has america failed, are we gonna have a civil war, home schooling, health care, public schooling, water in third world countries, food in those countries, food in our country, you get the picture.

what i'm saying is: i have nothing to say.

beautiful feet

2009-08-21T23:49:00.000-07:00

"how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news of good things!" ~ romans 10:15

in the year 2000, my friend jordan invited me on a week-long mission trip to haïti. i went along and fell in love with the country and her people. on that trip we had translators who went with us from house to house as we spoke to the people about the Lord God. one of those translators was a young man named joassaint josue. these are his feet.

josue has since gone on from "global mission fellowship" and has begun to follow his father's footsteps. his father took james literally when reading about taking care of widows and orphans. seeing so many children destined to become restaveks, josues's father began taking them in himself. soon he started placing these children in the homes of widows in their church. the program works when sponsors from the united states commit to sending $40/month for the child's clean water, food, medical needs and schooling. the money also benefits the widow in the sense that her household will also be partaking in the clean water and food. josue's father graduated into glory leaving behind a wife who has taken up his ministry and three sons who are also working hard for the children of haïti.

(from l to r, the joassaint family: louise, josue, mama, sony's mom whose name i can't remember, leonce, and elijah)

i was privileged to stay in josue's home while in haïti this month. he shares his home with his beautiful wife, his son, his goddaughter, a recuperating orphan (he had surgery), and some other extended family. pastor josue along with four other pastors from different areas have expanded on his father's original work and have started an organization they call "new life to the children." there are many children scattered throughout greater port au prince, who have been rescued by this mission and are either currently being sponsored or are in need of sponsors. please let me stress this: this is a haitian founded and run mission.

i was beyond moved by the things i witnessed in this one week in haïti: i met men of God who are studying and living out His Word. Christian men discussing and working toward becoming "men of character!" haitians bearing each other's burdens. Christians who know Scripture by heart and quote it in conversation! generosity was poured out on me. nothing was asked of me financially THE ENTIRE WEEK. even when i offered to pay for gas or drinks or ice or phone cards, i was turned down. (those of you who have been there can vouch that this is revolutionary behavior!) and one of the greatest blessings of all was learning that God has raised up haitians to be missionaries to africa (the senegal)!! that is astounding!!

the Lord is at work in this ministry and i love to watch Him work!

2009-08-13T21:12:00.000-07:00

delish-matish

2009-07-27T23:07:00.000-07:00

if you have ever read my profile it claims that i am interested in baking. the size of my upper arms will attest to that fact. at times i see blogs about baking that others have written. they have beautiful pictures of food and they share about the process. today i was inspired.

this is a favorite cookie in the fairfield household. they are made every 4th of july. (every 4th that my mom remembers to make them, that is.) this year she forgot. last year she was in kansas. it doesn't always work out. and they can't be made last minute. no, they need to sit overnight. that's the key. but tomorrow is my mama's birthday, so i made these cookies for us to enjoy tomorrow. (it's still july, right?!)

first you will need to find yourself some plain chocolate wafers. (i can only seem to find them at von's, for those of you in california.)

next, you'll need some heavy whipping cream. simply whip your cream (i added a smidge of confectioner's sugar to the cream), and layer. repeat. and once again. top with dots.

this tasty treat has been aptly named "chocolate whipped cream, chocolate whipped cream, chocolate whipped cream with dots on top." (to be said rapidly.)

these must be refrigerated overnight. i repeat "must." they become soft and may be consumed with a fork.

these cookies are sure to be the party favorite. they will not disappoint!

bath time

2009-07-19T23:32:00.000-07:00

slideshow

2009-07-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

well, i have given up on youtube. they think i've done something fraudulent by putting a song i downloaded from itunes on my video, so i can't play my video through them. therefore, i uploaded it to my mobileme gallery. however, mobileme cannot be embeded onto blogs. soooOOOooo . . . i have a link for you. please follow it; you'll be pleased.
this is our time at the lake.

bust

2009-07-08T00:23:00.001-07:00

i waited and waited and waited for youtube. it's late and the slideshow does not want to download. therefore, i will leave you with this:

dinner

2009-07-01T23:46:00.000-07:00

i am so happy i only have one child at this time.

bon fet, tet melon!

2009-06-18T00:14:00.000-07:00

ode to noah

~ by you-you on your 6th birthday

(with help from aladdin's genie)

i ain't never had a friend,

never had a friend,

i ain't NEVER

HAD A

FRIEND LIKE YOU!

i ain't never had a friend like you!

my dear boy, when i first met you, you were a bit top heavy. man did you have a head. tiny little legs and those triangular feet i love so much trying so hard to keep that head up. oh, but how you've grown! you toddled around with your wonderful lips and your perfect little stutter breaking hearts all over the place. you loved to eat, anytime, anywhere. you loved to sing! you and i had so much fun on our picture dates. we would spend some time just making faces and laughing so hard! you had a great sense of humor. you also LOVED throwing fits. you could cry with the best of them. you screamed until i thought my ear drums would burst. i was scared you would stop being my friend after i would put you on time out against the wall. but, noah, you were always my little man. you would crawl up in my lap and cuddle, take my hand and walk bravely through the front gate, dare to let me take you into the pool at the hotel, and curl up beside me at night. like i said, you were a heartbreaker.

i see pictures of you now and i cannot believe the little man you've become! i thank the Lord every time i think of you for the precious gift of you! He has brought you thus far, noah, and He will lead you home!

you, my dear boy, were the chosen son. you are the promised one! your life must be a purposeful one. you have already come through fire, sweetheart, and i know the Lord has great plans for you!

this is one of my most favorite pictures of us, noah. it was taken december 14, 2007. it was the last time i saw you! how i miss you. how i want to hold you. i think, however, that you have outgrown those lengthy hugs, those sit-in-my-lap-for-hours times. just know this, when it comes to you, i'll take whatever i can get.

i am so happy you're home for your birthday! it will be your best one yet! mwen renmen ou, tet la! ak tout ke'm, wi!

daughter

2009-06-08T23:36:00.000-07:00

photo taken by carsen. edited by angela.

job 38

2009-05-28T21:57:00.000-07:00

this is one of the most amazing passages in Scripture. job has, as we know, lost everything. he's been given horrible counsel from his wife and his friends have not helped either. he asks God why all these things have happened to him. and what does the Lord say?

Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind and said,
    "Who is this that darkens counsel
         By words without knowledge?
    "Now gird up your loins like a man,
         And I will ask you, and you instruct Me!
    "Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
         Tell Me, if you have understanding,
    Who set its measurements? Since you know.
         Or who stretched the line on it?
    "On what were its bases sunk?
         Or who laid its cornerstone,
    When the morning stars sang together
         And all the sons of God shouted for joy?
    "Or who enclosed the sea with doors
         When, bursting forth, it went out from the womb;
    When I made a cloud its garment
         And thick darkness its swaddling band,
    And I placed boundaries on it
         And set a bolt and doors,
    And I said, 'Thus far you shall come, but no farther;
         And here shall your proud waves stop'?
    "Have you ever in your life commanded the morning,
         And caused the dawn to know its place,
    That it might take hold of the ends of the earth,
         And the wicked be shaken out of it?
    "It is changed like clay under the seal;
         And they stand forth like a garment.
    "From the wicked their light is withheld,
         And the uplifted arm is broken.
    "Have you entered into the springs of the sea
         Or walked in the recesses of the deep?
    "Have the gates of death been revealed to you,
         Or have you seen the gates of deep darkness?
    "Have you understood the expanse of the earth?
         Tell Me, if you know all this.
    "Where is the way to the dwelling of light?
         And darkness, where is its place,
    That you may take it to its territory
         And that you may discern the paths to its home?
    "You know, for you were born then,
         And the number of your days is great!
    "Have you entered the storehouses of the snow,
         Or have you seen the storehouses of the hail,
    Which I have reserved for the time of distress,
         For the day of war and battle?
    "Where is the way that the light is divided,
         Or the east wind scattered on the earth?
    "Who has cleft a channel for the flood,
         Or a way for the thunderbolt,
    To bring rain on a land without people,
         On a desert without a man in it,
    To satisfy the waste and desolate land
         And to make the seeds of grass to sprout?
    "Has the rain a father?
         Or who has begotten the drops of dew?
    "From whose womb has come the ice?
         And the frost of heaven, who has given it birth?
    "Water becomes hard like stone,
         And the surface of the deep is imprisoned.
    "Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades,
         Or loose the cords of Orion?
    "Can you lead forth a constellation in its season,
         And guide the Bear with her satellites?
    "Do you know the ordinances of the heavens,

         Or fix their rule over the earth?
    ³⁴"Can you lift up your voice to the clouds,
         So that an abundance of water will cover you?
    "Can you send forth lightnings that they may go
         And say to you, 'Here we are'?
    "Who has put wisdom in the innermost being
         Or given understanding to the mind?
    "Who can count the clouds by wisdom,
         Or tip the water jars of the heavens,
    When the dust hardens into a mass
         And the clods stick together?
    "Can you hunt the prey for the lion,
         Or satisfy the appetite of the young lions,
    When they crouch in their dens
         And lie in wait in their lair ?

    "Who prepares for the raven its nourishment
         When its young cry to God
         And wander about without food?

the Lord puts job in his place. have you ever been there? have you questioned God's reason, His timing, His plan? i have, from time to time, failed to understand the "why" of a situation. thankfully, i am not God!! i would do a terrible job! i am so selfish. i have found, time and again, that His mercies truly are new every morning (lam. 3:23) and that His ways are higher than mine (isa. 55:9).

once again, i resolve to let God be God! i'd love to take the backseat.

a year in pictures

2009-05-21T21:40:00.000-07:00

one year ago today, my darling girl made her first appearance in this world. i knew, despite not being told by the ultrasound tech, that i was having a girl. i was thrilled when the midwife declared what i already knew!

from that moment on, i was smitten. there is no child brighter, no child more sweet, more adorable than my daughter. i am blessed beyond understanding by this girl.

thank you, Lord Jesus, for giving me the amazing opportunity to be a mother to judah.

here is a brief look at the past year:

my gallery

they tied the knot

2009-04-29T23:47:00.001-07:00

i'm pretty sure i should get a big, fat "fail" for not having posted sooner. turns out, i was in southern california because two of my very best friends said "i do" to each other! isn't God good?

noah and bren had a 40s style wedding. it was gorgeous and so much fun! their vows were so perfect and i could not stop smiling the whole time. (which is impressive due to 30mph freezing winds and shoes that made my feet want to cry, which i realize isn't possible.)

the Lord was honored at this wedding. the gospel was preached. two friends made lifetime commitments. it was perfect. chilly, but perfect!

just look at the joy and happiness on their faces!

noah and bren, i am so thrilled for you! the Lord brought you together in His perfect timing and has blessed you with one another. i love you both so much and promise to be praying for your life together. i pray that you recall luis' words and always put each other before others, always honor each other, always defer to one another. may your life be full and may you bless the Lord!

2009-04-13T23:03:00.000-07:00

i couldn't resist this doll. i had one just like it when i was little. it's a strawberry shortcake doll and it smells like strawberries. it smells a lot! so when i ask judah if she can smell it, she wrinkles up her nose and blows air out. hilarious! man, i love this girl!

we have forgotten

2009-04-07T22:52:00.000-07:00

friends, i would like to ask you to do an experiment: open a new window and using either "goodsearch" or "google" images, try to find pictures of our twin towers when they were hit. type in "twin towers" or "9/11" and tell me what comes up.
not much, am i right?
talk about censorship!
i would like to encourage you to go next to youtube and watch darryl worley's video of his song "have you forgotten?" i would have embedded it here for you but that option has been turned off. (a fact i also found interesting.)

ten days ago, this story made headlines. oh not in the big papers, but on foxnews it did. so "they" have decided to rename the new WTC "one world tower." does that scare anyone else? i guess "freedom tower" was a bit too patriotic. we wouldn't want anyone to think we are still proud to be americans, right? i mean, what we need is "change."

now i realize these pictures aren't pleasant and i understand why some might not want to look at them. however, i think the further we get from that dreadful day and the less we see of those images, the more we repress those memories.

i haven't. i remember that day. i remember the shock, the horror. i remember crying. my uncle was supposed to be giving a briefing to about 80 men in the pentagon that day. he was on his way into work when, hearing about new york, he called off the meeting. the room he would have been in is no longer.

we all have stories like that. it affected each and everyone of us. and yet, for some reason we are trying to minimize what happened. we don't want to offend anyone. we don't want to use the word "terrorist" anymore. we don't even want to honor all those who gave their lives (and all their families) by calling the new tower "freedom."

we have forgotten.

i can offer no other explanation. otherwise we would be outraged by this move to rename the tower. otherwise we would not have elected a commander in chief who is anti-military. otherwise we would have hundreds of images flood our screens when we searched for "twin towers" or "9/11."

we have forgotten.

free

2009-03-27T00:28:00.001-07:00

my chains are gone!

2009-03-21T23:28:00.000-07:00

in homes across america

2009-03-11T10:23:00.000-07:00

in my world, in my little sphere of influence, i know many many families who are somewhere in the adoption process. i am sure you are all aware that many of those families are involved with three angels children's relief. these past few days we have all sat by our computers (those of us not in the blessed evansville region) and watched as a miracle has taken place. a three and a half year miracle.

yesterday a little boy made his first airplane trip. actually, he boarded three airplanes. he left one incredibly impoverished nation and arrived in the greatest nation on earth (despite all political persuasions, despite the current "economic crisis" and despite our current leadership, this is undeniably a magnificent nation and we are beyond blessed to be living here.).

as i waited anxiously for news of his travels, checking my computer and phone every fifteen seconds, i thought of families gathered around the radio or the television to hear some breaking story.

our breaking news is noah.

adoption is hard. adoption is painful. but adoption is miraculous and glorious. it is what our Father in Heaven has done for us and it is what so many of you are doing for orphaned, abandoned, needy children. it is beautiful.

but as i listen to your hearts i can feel your suffering. adoption is not easy. adoption is seeing a child's face and falling in love . . . from across the ocean. adoption (international adoption) is months of paperwork, home studies, finger prints. it is fundraising. it is finally saving enough money to fly to a foreign country, meet your child and fly home alone. it is culture shock and language barriers. it is missed birthdays, Christmases and mothers' days. adoption is last year's Christmas present sitting abandoned in the corner of camden's room just wating for noah to come open it.

and in these painfully long months that become years, a story like noah's is water to your weary souls. it is the manna which sustains you while you feel lost in the dessert.

noah's plight seemed impossible. he was gone. for fifteen months we did not see him. fifteen months. but michelle and jeremy, they had a promise. they believed in the Lord. and with God all things are possible. like the israelites up against the Dead Sea with pharaoh's army hot on their tail, the entire situation was maddening. no way would they survive. and yet they walked across on dry ground. the Lord works miracles, friends. He has the road ahead of us planned out. and even though we cannot fathom how He will do it, when He gives us a promise, we must believe!

i know there are moments of gloom. i know you've been waiting for far too long. i know there is no end in sight. i KNOW how impossible it is to instill a sense of urgency in any haitian! but the Lord has gone before you. the Lord has prepared a way. the Lord can open up the Dead Sea. He can close the mouths of lions. He can rise from the dead!

won't you trust in Him?

NOU KONTAN!

2009-03-05T10:06:00.000-08:00

2009-03-04T09:02:00.000-08:00

this is so hard for me to imagine:

today bethany is six years old.

judah and i look at this picture everyday and talk about bethany and how much judah will love her once they finally meet. the following video is the one i made for beta's birthday last year. however, since i haven't seen her since then, i have no new pictures for a new video. (something i hope to remedy by the time she turns seven.)

tetanik, i am praying for you today as you turn six. i hope it is a wonderful birthday! i am praying that you come to know the Lord Who loves you and created you. i hope you become His faithful servant. i pray, cheri, that your adoption process will not drag out any longer but that you will be united with your forever family.

i miss you more than you know, baby girl. i can see you are getting so big. i hope to hold you in my arms again soon!

mwen renmen ou ak tout ke'm, teta!

woodvensly is six!

2009-03-03T16:52:00.000-08:00

bon fet, petit mwen!

Bondye beni'w!

motherhood and following my Savior (my Abba)

2009-02-03T22:35:00.000-08:00

i do realize that this parallel has been drawn before. many, many times. and if you don't want to read it, that's fine by me. however, for my own sake and for judah's, i'm going to try to get some of these thoughts down. maybe she'll read them someday and learn from them. maybe i'll learn just by writing it. may the Lord be praised.

when you become a mother, it's as though a fog has lifted. things that you saw but couldn't quite grasp become much more tangible. i understand the Lord better. i am deciphering His truths more and more.

how many times have you heard a parent make this joke:
the child wants to play with something dangerous such as scissors and when the parent intervenes, the child begins to cry and the parents says, "i know, i know, i'm the meanest dad ever!" in his most sarcastic tone.

familiar? and how often do you think the Lord does the same thing to us? for instance, a woman thinks it is fun to take pills to alter her state of mind, but the Lord intervenes and the woman thinks He is being unfair, unjust. how dare He put such strict regulations on her? and the Lord thinks, "i know, i know, i'm the meanest God ever!" in His most sarcastic tone.

and how often, while judah is crying in the midst of some great crisis (i.e. dinner not coming fast enough), do i reminder her over and over that everything is okay? she has a nice, warm home. she is clothed and dry. she has a family who loves her and food is on it's way! but she's in the trenches. and from her view she is starving and the food may never come. she may not realize what i do. she may not know that i've turned on the kettle and put the dry cereal in a bowl. she doesn't perceive that the provision has already been made. all she has to do is trust in me, her loving mama, and wait. it's that easy.

and it's the same with Christ, isn't it? what does He say? consider the lilies of the field? how much more does He love His own!

oh what comfort. what peace. all my needs have been met. all provisions have been made. and while i might not yet see or understand what He's done for me, He promises that He has gone before me and prepared the way!

can you rest in that today? can you see your Father in heaven loves you more than you can grasp and that He will never leave you?

one more:

judah just woke up crying. for all she knows she is alone in the dark. she feels helpless, hopeless. everyone has abandoned her. she cries out, hoping i'll hear and come to her. which, of course, i do. why? because i love her. because she is my daughter. created in my image.

i am so grateful for a loving Savior, a Father Who has met my every need before i even realized i had it.

2009-01-20T15:57:00.001-08:00

for those of you who are not on facebook, judah and i went to the park today with nana. isn't she getting so big?!

between the lines

2009-01-11T22:25:00.000-08:00

"for what does the scripture say? 'abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness." ~> romans 4:3

i have been reading through the bible these past 11 days. my brother gave me a chronological daily bible for Christ-mas and so i've begun my journey through it. and while i have read these genesis stories many times, i often feel i'm missing so much. in just a few sentences so much is said and we've heard them over and over and i think the impact is lost on those of us who grew up in sunday school. what do i mean? here are a couple of examples:

* noah built an ark. yep. just because God told him to. did he know what an ark was? what tools did he use? no skill saws. no table saws. no forge for creating saws. how did he measure it? God was very specific as to how big, how long, how tall this ark was supposed to be. how did noah meet those specifications? he didn't have a crane to get those logs (boards?) up to the upper levels.

how did he do it? he only had his 3 sons to help him. everyone else was mocking him.

why? oh, because he was BUILDING A HUGE SHIP AND THERE WAS NO APPARENT REASON!!

how long did it take him to complete the ark? 150 years. wow. he was mocked for 15o years. he trusted the Lord in the midst of that (the building of an absurd structure, the laughing, the wondering just how necessary this was). he pressed on. but as i read this, i just accept it. i don't grasp the reality. noah was a real man. a real OLD man. an at least 450 year-old-man. and he built a huge ship with his hands. just think about it for a minute. when you're finished, read the next point.

*abraham passed sarah, his wife, off as his sister. twice.

yeah.

so, picture this: dust. dirty, tired, sore feet. you've been traveling for days. on foot. possibly on a donkey or a camel. you set up camp, you cook, (do you have to wash dishes?!!), you sleep, you tear down camp, you walk, you repeat. and finally you come upon a city. o to wash your feet! to sleep on a straw mat! and then . . . here comes your husband. he says, "i am a coward and i don't want to be killed. i know the Lord said that i would father nations, but maybe if the king of this city knows you're my wife he'll kill me despite God's promise. for my sake, say you are my sister. after all, we do have the same father. do this for me. please?" (okay, okay, that is not a direct translation!!) what do you do?! how do you feel? this man is betraying you, your trust, your hope.

just flush that out a bit. think about all sides to the story. don't simply read those lines once again and move on. these were real people!!

*abraham bound his son, his only son, and placed him on an alter. he raised his knife to kill him, but an angel stopped him.

what was isaac thinking?! "dad, what are you doing?!!"

isaac, we learn, was about 20 years old. abraham, then, was 120. i don't know about you, but i don't know many 120 year old men who can wrestle a young guy down to the ground, bind him, and lift him on an alter! or do you think that isaac willingly gave himself up to be sacrificed? the scripture doesn't say. just imagine it, can you? in our society we put a lot of stock in what happened to us when we were children. how our parents have impacted our lives. think of the counseling a modern day isaac would seek! "yes, my dad tried to sacrifice me . . . can you help me talk it out?" i'm just saying!

let's just try to fill in these blanks. do i want to add to scripture? absolutely not. but do i want to recognize that these are literal events that happened to real people? yes i do. therefore i have to give thoughts to these people, i have to give them emotions. i have to imagine myself in their shoes.

now, let me attempt to take the other side of that last scenario. for thirteen years, i was waiting on the Lord to give me a promised son. it seemed impossible because of my old age. and yet, the Lord is faithful. He gave me a son, a wonderful son. that was 20 years ago. and last night the Lord came to me in a dream. He told me to take my only son and offer him as a sacrifice to Him. what would i, angela, do?! do i trust God in all things? do i love Him enough to give up the life of my child?

abraham may have made some foolish mistakes in his life, but the Lord acknowledged his faith as righteousness. selah.

just drink that in.

because let me tell you, not one of us can look down on abraham's blatant errors and thumb our noses. i the least of all. but God used abraham and God loved abraham. and that, my friend, encourages me greatly!

please Lord, use me, the sinner!

baby steps

2009-01-09T23:37:00.000-08:00

guess what judah did yesterday. she held the blanket up and played "peek a boo" on her own terms. what i mean is, she held it up, waited for me to ask where she was, then pulled it down herself and smiled. ha! brilliant! she played it with me a number of times. over and over.

guess what she learned today. "HEY!!! these diapers are velcro-ed shut! if i pull this part right here . . . FREEDOM!!"

yeah, she's getting big!

new

2009-01-03T23:03:00.000-08:00

I have slacked off lately as far as my blog is concerned. For that matter, I have also been a slacker in checking others' blogs. I have been thinking about writing about Joseph. I thought I might have something to say. I have been listening to a lot of Christian talk radio while I am out there delivering flowers and it has been good to listen to. However, my thoughts have not come together on anything and so I am going to write to you today about something terribly insignificant.
I believe that most of you probably saw this picture on Facebook. My dear friend Emily took this picture (and many more) when she came to stay with Judah and I in November. I posted it on Facebook and I really like it. Carsen mentioned that the Chucks with cuffed pants looked was somewhat stereotypical of me. She was right. For years I have loved wearing my Chucks. I like the look, I like the feel.

However, friends, I have to tell you that today, while seeking out a new pair of black Chucks, I opted for a pair of Pumas instead. As I have already confessed to Elias and Carsen, it feels a bit like betrayal to my first love, however, I have not abandoned my Chucks altogether. I still have a pair, slightly tattered, of black and also one pair of chocolate brown Converse All Stars. I intend someday to purchase another pair. Most likely this will occur sometime prior to Judah donning her black Chucks from Shannon. For the moment, however, I am perfectly content with my new acquisition.

With no further ado, I give you . . . my shoe(s).

judah ka rale!

2008-12-05T20:11:00.000-08:00

apparently, my daughter is part frog! my dad was able to catch this today; usually when i take out the camera, she freezes. but i guess she'll perform for nana and grandpa! what a big girl!! i'm so proud of her!
funny thing is, the girl would much rather walk than crawl! as soon as she reaches my hands, she pulls herself up to standing. then, once balanced, she lets go with one hand and starts a little jig! so adorable.

is this how it works?

2008-11-10T23:28:00.001-08:00

we like using the shopping cart protector, but we're not sure we've got it down to a science just yet. is judah supposed to go in like this?

pray for these children, pray for pres. elect obama

2008-11-08T09:39:00.000-08:00

release and unity: what the [nurse practitioner] ordered

2008-10-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

a couple of weeks ago i went down to fresno to have a nerve conduction study, well, conducted on myself. today i went to see my nurse practitioner to hear about the results of that test and what those results mean.

you see i have had a hunch for awhile now that i may have carpal tunnel syndrome. and it was confirmed today that my suspicions were correct. i guess that my carpal tunnel has excessive pressure from the top and years of slinging coffee exacerbated the problem. (like that word, mama?) anyhow, what that means is i have to have a small, out-patient surgery to release (shouldn't it be "relieve?") said pressure.

i was fairly certain going into the appointment today that this would be the verdict, though i was hoping it wouldn't be. i am not thrilled with the idea that i will be unable to use my hand for at least two weeks following the surgery(ies). i say "surgeries" because they typically do your wrists one at a time to afford you one working hand in the meantime. so i think i'll have to do it twice. the right hand will be first, since it is the more extreme. these are not yet scheduled, so i'll have to wait and see about that.

at the end of the day (it's nearly 10 pm and i work in the morning), i have a few reflections. first off, i was watching an interview of gianna jessen and she claims to have the GIFT of cerebral palsy. the GIFT! what an incredible outlook! that stopped me in my tracks when i heard her say that. so i prayed today and thanked the Lord, the good Lord Jesus Christ, for the gift of carpal tunnel syndrome. (even as i type my fingers are falling asleep . . . ) when you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you have such confidence in Him and His promises. therefore i know that He will work this together for good for me because i love Him and i am called according to His purpose! (do you get that it's not about us?!)

secondly, my nurse practitioner (without asking us our beliefs or anything) began preaching to judah, my mom and i today in the exam room. he asked me why Jesus loves me. then he told me: it's because i'm His daughter! he asked, "judah is allowed at any point to crawl up into your lap; no matter what, no matter where, right?" of course. and how does she feel there in my arms? safe, comforted, at peace. "and how," he asked me, "do you feel with her in your arms?" comforted and at peace! "so," my np says, "you remember that is how the Lord feels when you snuggle up into His arms."

can i say, "wow!?" yeah, in california, in a public doctor's office, this man pulled out Scripture and blessed me today! (if prop 8 passes next week, he may be out of a job doing this! but we trust in our Lord!) anyhow, he ordered surgery and a thorough reading of john 17 for me. he wanted me to go home and read about unity. he is blown away by Jesus' prayer for us, that if we are truly united in Christ, our love for one another will point non-believers to God! i just had to share this with you because it was such a blessing to my mama and i today to have this man as our medical professional!

the Lord is good all the time and all the time the Lord is good!

** disclaimer ** judah is NOT yet crawling, the np was just saying that as a "for instance." i will let you all know when she accomplishes that!

for those of you not on facebook

2008-10-28T23:02:00.000-07:00

this is my new favorite picture:

friends, americans, countrymen, lend me your ears!

2008-10-26T14:54:00.000-07:00

a video is worth . . .

2008-10-17T20:05:00.000-07:00

???????

for sarah

2008-10-16T22:33:00.001-07:00

okay, well i have been tagged by sarah. here's the game. you have to go to your picture files and choose the fourth file. then choose the fourth photo in said file. post that picture and tell about it. i did and i came up with this picture.

this is steph and jeff and i! we were in the car driving from my parents' house to l.a. this was taken in september 2006 when i had three weeks in the states! i was here between my 6 months volunteering at angel house and the beginning of my time as the house manager. i had extensions in my hair. my parents were so kind and drove me halfway down to l.a. and then my friends picked me up! i had a lot of fun during those weeks. my friend kellie and i got to take brendie out for her birthday and i spent some time with all my southern california friends.

so now i have to tag four people. here goes:

amy j.

lena w.

lara m.

lizzie h.

:)

have fun!

for you, waiting parents of far away children

2008-10-08T17:21:00.000-07:00

Your throne, o God, is forever and ever; a scepter of uprightness is the scepter of Your kingdom.

psalm 45:6

the sky may be absolutely black; the wind my be howling; we may be wondering if we will EVER get home . . . yet we can rest in Him. God NEVER leaves His throne.

... this i found on the page-a-day calendar my mom has in my bathroom. i really wanted to post it and share it with all of you waiting f-o-r-e-v-e-r for your children to come home. don't forget the story of isaac. don't forget how the Lord promised to abraham and sarah a son. don't forget that sarah was barren. don't forget that she laughed in the face of God. and don't forget that she had her son ~> and named him "laughter!"

your children WILL come home. and no matter what the problems are, the truth is, the Lord's timing is still perfect.

love you all!

just so big

2008-09-28T14:25:00.000-07:00

auntie em and i made this onesie beacause judah's papa loves music so much. he is so happy with headphones in his ears. so i thought this was a good one to make. she seemed to like it too! isn't she getting big?!

this is important, folks.

2008-09-24T23:26:00.000-07:00

pay attention:

martha NOT stewart

2008-09-20T22:42:00.000-07:00

this is my mama. isn't she beautiful? the Lord tells us in His word that we should not boast in anything other than Him. paul wrote that. and i will try not to. i will, however, say that my mama is a wonderful woman. while she doesn't exactly "look for wool and flax" (prov. 31:13a), she does "work with her hands in delight" (prov. 31:13b) and she does put flaxseed into her smoothies.

i want, i desire to be more like my mama. she is the most discerning woman i know. she is wise. she is kind. she is generous. she is loving and extremely hospitable. and now she has decided to give of herself once again. my mama has decided to grow her hair out and donate it to a cancer victim.

here is an example of the way my mama thinks. she says that while she is growing out this hair, all the while she can be praying for the person who will receive it. she says this with a glow in her eye as if there could be nothing like it!

and so, because i want to be more and more like her, i've decided to join her in this effort. we talked with our hairdresser and he assured us that we can donate hair that has been colored. the hair must be submitted in a pony tail that is a minimum of 10 inches in length. curly hair is accepted and can be pulled straight to make the 10".

as of this evening my hair is about 5" in length and i think my mama's is near 6. maybe you can join us in praying for those who will receive our hair. maybe they don't yet have cancer, or have yet to be diagnosed. maybe they are children. maybe they will have wonderful families who cut off all their hair in honor of the cancer victim. or maybe they won't have a family at all. but we can pray for these two people right now! and the best part is, the Lord hears our cry!

arrgh!

2008-09-19T08:50:00.000-07:00

today is international talk like a pirate day! no kidding.

i know my daughter is dressed appropriately. is yours? :)

beautiful drooler

2008-09-15T23:16:00.000-07:00

things come tumbling out of my mind

2008-09-11T13:40:00.000-07:00

there is so much in my head and i have no idea how to get it out in a cohesive post. wait, it just came to me! i'll copy tara livesay and try bullet points:

* judah has a cold and that makes me sad . . . and tired.

* i cannot fathom how anyone can vote for someone who has thrice voted to end a child's life, even in the case of a botched abortion! a child miraculously survives an abortion and he would still have it killed. that makes me ill.

* it is september 11th and i fear we have forgotten. oh, your bumper sticker may say otherwise, but are we still searching for bin laden? and would we support efforts to that end?

* i have been job hunting but have not yet landed a job.

* and the devastation in haïti is wretched. i hate this. and i hate that i cannot reach out and save those children.

* we went to santa clarita and had a wonderful time visiting our friends down there. i'll post pictures soon, but this post just needed to come out.

* i sold some cards i had made to the local tea shop. that was exciting.

* and judah has the best grandpa and nana in the world! unfortunately we have not yet convinced grandpa to start his own blog!

yeah, i think bullet points were the best for this, because clearly that was a random, cacophonous blog! sorry, i'll do a better job next time.

so in love

2008-09-02T23:20:00.001-07:00

my little cowgirl

2008-08-29T22:29:00.001-07:00

this is a post of links.

well, seeing as how judah already told y'all about our camping trip, i thought i might as well tell you about the bar d.

we met up with a family who befriended my parents a few years ago in zion national park. the haverlys live in mancos, colorado. we travelled with them through bryce canyon national park and a few (really sad) native american reservations, back to their home in mancos. mancos is not far from durango, colorado. and in durango you can find . . . the bar d wranglers.

the wranglers are a dying breed. they harken back to the days of roy rogers and the sons of the pioneers. the wranglers are a singing group and they put on a great show! we laughed, we cried . . . well, not so much the crying.
anyhow, there is this little faux western village selling all sorts of useless trinkets including but not limited to, buckskin caps, posable toy horses, cowboy-mantra wall hangings, cheesy rip-off Christian tee shirts and more. don't get me wrong, i had a great time.

the wranglers cook and serve dinner before performing. they are incredibly talented musicians. in fact, they were invited to play at the grand ole opry! i would recommend anyone passing through the southwest corner of colorado to stop in for some good eats and a great show!

a little leg

2008-08-28T00:04:00.001-07:00

just a preview.

camping and other adventures

2008-08-17T21:48:00.000-07:00

hi friends! i wanted to let you know that judah, nana, grandpa and i will be camping for the next week and then heading to colorado. i will not have internet access and therefore will not be posting until we return. however, i expect to capture a good picture or two as i have purchase some great cowgirl boots for judah ($8 at tar-jay) to be worn in the country!

(incidentally, judah will most likely not be posting for the next two weeks either.)

see you on the flip side.

an obtuse angle

2008-08-12T17:57:00.000-07:00

i need a bigger view of God. during floor time today, i was reading you are special
by max lucado to judah. it is a wonderful book written for children about a community of wooden people made by a woodworker whose name is eli. (short for El Shaddai perhaps?) the main character, punchinello, learns a valuable lesson about spending time with the Maker.
i spend time with my Lord. i read my bible. i pray. i do want to know Him more. but while i was reading this to judah today, i was reminded of something i often forget. GOD WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH ME. He wants to remind me how much He cares for me. (selah.)

wow. you see, i know He loves me. but do i remember that He wants to spend time with me? not often. to consider that the Lord of this world is hoping that i will take the time to visit with Him is a blessing. He knows my name. He knows the frizzy, curly hairs on my head. and He is waiting for me to come to Him. as i was reading this to judah i was thinking about how incredible that truth is.

you are precious to Jesus. He formed you. He loves you. won't you take some time today and be with Him?

bon fet, glory!

2008-08-08T17:10:00.000-07:00

happy birthday, baby girl!! i am so excited that you'll be going home in the next week!! i'm praising the Lord! i have been praying for this day!!

fun on the [cundiff] farm

2008-07-30T22:53:00.000-07:00

i'm gonna be honest with you, i don't know too many families that would invite a mom and her infant daughter into their home for two weeks, especially when they have just brought two more of their own children home. but the cundiff family has always been a cut above, haven't they?
jeremy and michelle, you have blessed judah and i greatly! you have a wonderful family; your children are so well-rounded, so kind, so caring. thank you for the love you have lived out, not just between the two of you, but it extends to us and we feel the reality of it. thank you for your support, your concern, your honesty. thank you for truly making us feel like we were "home!"
we had a wonderful time with you and we hope we didn't wear you out! thank you so much!

*it would appear that youtube does not like putting music on my videos right now. so everyone just hum tim mcgraw's down on the farm while watching, okay? thanks!*

2008-07-29T06:54:00.001-07:00

michelle says there is more to indiana than corn.

sarah said not to listen to her.

i went looking to find out for myself.

sunday blessings

2008-07-21T14:52:00.000-07:00

yesterday was a wonderful day for judah and i! the cundiffs graciously hosted a potluck picnic of sorts for all the adoptive friends and family in the area so judah and i could see everyone! it was fabulous to see all of you! thank you so much for making time for us! (especially the mulpaganos who came so far!) i LOVED seeing all of you!
and praise the Lord that some of the children were here from 3as to enjoy the afternoon with us!!!!

i love you all!