woodvensly is six!

bon fet, petit mwen!

Bondye beni'w!

motherhood and following my Savior (my Abba)

i do realize that this parallel has been drawn before. many, many times. and if you don't want to read it, that's fine by me. however, for my own sake and for judah's, i'm going to try to get some of these thoughts down. maybe she'll read them someday and learn from them. maybe i'll learn just by writing it. may the Lord be praised.



when you become a mother, it's as though a fog has lifted. things that you saw but couldn't quite grasp become much more tangible. i understand the Lord better. i am deciphering His truths more and more.

how many times have you heard a parent make this joke:
the child wants to play with something dangerous such as scissors and when the parent intervenes, the child begins to cry and the parents says, "i know, i know, i'm the meanest dad ever!" in his most sarcastic tone.

familiar? and how often do you think the Lord does the same thing to us? for instance, a woman thinks it is fun to take pills to alter her state of mind, but the Lord intervenes and the woman thinks He is being unfair, unjust. how dare He put such strict regulations on her? and the Lord thinks, "i know, i know, i'm the meanest God ever!" in His most sarcastic tone.

and how often, while judah is crying in the midst of some great crisis (i.e. dinner not coming fast enough), do i reminder her over and over that everything is okay? she has a nice, warm home. she is clothed and dry. she has a family who loves her and food is on it's way! but she's in the trenches. and from her view she is starving and the food may never come. she may not realize what i do. she may not know that i've turned on the kettle and put the dry cereal in a bowl. she doesn't perceive that the provision has already been made. all she has to do is trust in me, her loving mama, and wait. it's that easy.

and it's the same with Christ, isn't it? what does He say? consider the lilies of the field? how much more does He love His own!

oh what comfort.  what peace.  all my needs have been met.  all provisions have been made.  and while i might not yet see or understand what He's done for me, He promises that He has gone before me and prepared the way!  

can you rest in that today?  can you see your Father in heaven loves you more than you can grasp and that He will never leave you?

one more:

judah just woke up crying.  for all she knows she is alone in the dark.  she feels helpless, hopeless.  everyone has abandoned her.  she cries out, hoping i'll hear and come to her.  which, of course, i do.  why?  because i love her.  because she is my daughter.  created in my image.

i am so grateful for a loving Savior, a Father Who has met my every need before i even realized i had it.

for those of you who are not on facebook, judah and i went to the park today with nana. isn't she getting so big?!

between the lines

"for what does the scripture say? 'abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness."  ~> romans 4:3

i have been reading through the bible these past 11 days.  my brother gave me a chronological daily bible for Christ-mas and so i've begun my journey through it.  and while i have read these genesis stories many times, i often feel i'm missing so much.  in just a few sentences so much is said and we've heard them over and over and i think the impact is lost on those of us who grew up in sunday school.  what do i mean?  here are a couple of examples:

     * noah built an ark.  yep.  just because God told him to.  did he know what an ark was?  what tools did he use?  no skill saws.  no table saws.  no forge for creating saws.  how did he measure it?  God was very specific as to how big, how long, how tall this ark was supposed to be.  how did noah meet those specifications?  he didn't have a crane to get those logs (boards?) up to the upper levels.  

how did he do it?  he only had his 3 sons to help him.  everyone else was mocking him.  

why? oh, because he was BUILDING A HUGE SHIP AND THERE WAS NO APPARENT REASON!!

how long did it take him to complete the ark?  150 years.  wow.  he was mocked for 15o years. he trusted the Lord in the midst of that (the building of an absurd structure, the laughing, the wondering just how necessary this was).  he pressed on.  but as i read this, i just accept it.  i don't grasp the reality.  noah was a real man.  a real OLD man.  an at least 450 year-old-man.  and he built a huge ship with his hands.  just think about it for a minute.  when you're finished, read the next point.

     *abraham passed sarah, his wife, off as his sister.  twice.  

yeah.  

so, picture this:  dust.  dirty, tired, sore feet.  you've been traveling for days.  on foot.  possibly on a donkey or a camel.  you set up camp, you cook, (do you have to wash dishes?!!), you sleep, you tear down camp, you walk, you repeat.  and finally you come upon a city.  o to wash your feet!  to sleep on a straw mat!  and then . . . here comes your husband.  he says, "i am a coward and i don't want to be killed.  i know the Lord said that i would father nations, but maybe if the king of this city knows you're my wife he'll kill me despite God's promise.  for my sake, say you are my sister.  after all, we do have the same father.  do this for me.  please?"  (okay, okay, that is not a direct translation!!)  what do you do?!  how do you feel?  this man is betraying you, your trust, your hope.  

just flush that out a bit.  think about all sides to the story.  don't simply read those lines once again and move on.  these were real people!!  

     *abraham bound his son, his only son, and placed him on an alter.  he raised his knife to kill him, but an angel stopped him.  

what was isaac thinking?!  "dad, what are you doing?!!"  

isaac, we learn, was about 20 years old.  abraham, then, was 120.  i don't know about you, but i don't know many 120 year old men who can wrestle a young guy down to the ground, bind him, and lift him on an alter!  or do you think that isaac willingly gave himself up to be sacrificed?  the scripture doesn't say.  just imagine it, can you?  in our society we put a lot of stock in what happened to us when we were children.  how our parents have impacted our lives.  think of the counseling a modern day isaac would seek!  "yes, my dad tried to sacrifice me . . . can you help me talk it out?"  i'm just saying!  

let's just try to fill in these blanks.  do i want to add to scripture?  absolutely not.  but do i want to recognize that these are literal events that happened to real people?  yes i do.  therefore i have to give thoughts to these people, i have to give them emotions.  i have to imagine myself in their shoes. 

now, let me attempt to take the other side of that last scenario.  for thirteen years, i was waiting on the Lord to give me a promised son.  it seemed impossible because of my old age.  and yet, the Lord is faithful.  He gave me a son, a wonderful son.  that was 20 years ago.  and last night the Lord came to me in a dream.  He told me to take my only son and offer him as a sacrifice to Him.  what would i, angela, do?!  do i trust God in all things?  do i love Him enough to give up the life of my child?  

abraham may have made some foolish mistakes in his life, but the Lord acknowledged his faith as righteousness.  selah.

just drink that in.

because let me tell you, not one of us can look down on abraham's blatant errors and thumb our noses.  i the least of all.  but God used abraham and God loved abraham.  and that, my friend, encourages me greatly!  

please Lord, use me, the sinner!

 

baby steps

guess what judah did yesterday.  she held the blanket up and played "peek a boo" on her own terms.  what i mean is, she held it up, waited for me to ask where she was, then pulled it down herself and smiled.  ha!  brilliant!  she played it with me a number of times. over and over.

guess what she learned today.  "HEY!!!  these diapers are velcro-ed shut!  if i pull this part right here . . . FREEDOM!!"  

yeah, she's getting big!

new

I have slacked off lately as far as my blog is concerned. For that matter, I have also been a slacker in checking others' blogs. I have been thinking about writing about Joseph. I thought I might have something to say. I have been listening to a lot of Christian talk radio while I am out there delivering flowers and it has been good to listen to. However, my thoughts have not come together on anything and so I am going to write to you today about something terribly insignificant.
I believe that most of you probably saw this picture on Facebook.  My dear friend Emily took this picture (and many more) when she came to stay with Judah and I in November.  I posted it on Facebook and I really like it.  Carsen mentioned that the Chucks with cuffed pants looked was somewhat stereotypical of me.  She was right.  For years I have loved wearing my Chucks.  I like the look, I like the feel.  

However, friends, I have to tell you that today, while seeking out a new pair of black Chucks, I opted for a pair of Pumas instead.  As I have already confessed to Elias and Carsen, it feels a bit like betrayal to my first love, however, I have not abandoned my Chucks altogether.  I still have a pair, slightly tattered, of black and also one pair of chocolate brown Converse All Stars.  I intend someday to purchase another pair.  Most likely this will occur sometime prior to Judah donning her black Chucks from Shannon.  For the moment, however, I am perfectly content with my new acquisition.  

With no further ado, I give you . . . my shoe(s).

judah ka rale!

apparently, my daughter is part frog! my dad was able to catch this today; usually when i take out the camera, she freezes. but i guess she'll perform for nana and grandpa! what a big girl!! i'm so proud of her!
funny thing is, the girl would much rather walk than crawl! as soon as she reaches my hands, she pulls herself up to standing. then, once balanced, she lets go with one hand and starts a little jig! so adorable.